Someone's Gotta Say This Shit

Return to the Blogging

2006-12-25T06:21:00.000-06:00

Hell shit how long has this been... I mean how long has really been since I put up a post on this thing and lets go even farther back for a post of relevance. (If you are trying to answer that, I no longer need you as a reader.)

Well what has happened with me since... Christ it was APRIL... Well short list it up to somewhat recent times...

1. May trip to SD shooting for Bizible
I got hurt there but not near as much stress there as when I came back
2. Brownville Village Theatre (May to August)
Fun again this year
God it is going to be hard to say good bye to that place.
I may be there one more year after I don't think it is fun any more.
3. Started back at working with Aurstaff and taking classes @ OCP (August to Nov)
Got pissed with working with Aurstaff (working really shitty hours like 4 hours)

During this period I was working "for classes" on the sets for the up-coming shows at the Playhouse. And also even worked the sound board for a show that is in a very small space (The Howard Drew Theatre, if you know what that is). And they had 8 people with microphones in there. It felt almost impossible to keep everyone microphone even sounding because sure enough there would be a person talking directly into someone else's mic. And on top of that, it was a musical. All around fun experience though.

Now in November I did something that I think was really smart on my part. I became a Janitor for the Playhouse. I figured they knew my schedule, it was something I was some what used to doing on a smaller scale at BVT. And I can't say exactly what I am getting paid, but trust me, it is on the high side of what I would have gotten at Aurstaff. So I have been doing that for about a month and I have a very good idea that it will work out for me. The hours are from 11:00 PM to 7:00 the next morning, so I am basically alone for most of my work day. (Envy me now) My schedule is also is a little different because I work for Wednesday to Sunday (the days that the playhouse has a performance)

Well now because for some reason I thought I needed a busier day, I decided to audition for Urinetown-The Musical thinking that I am NEVER going to get a part. Well, I guess I can't even screw up right. I'll be damned if I didn't get cast in the thing. I got the part of Mr. Mc Queen, which is the villain's lackey. So I am in 8 songs if I read the album correctly.

SO IN CONCLUSON OF A LONG ENOUGH BLOG ENTRY:

So starting on Jan 2, am now at a theatre (OCP) on the average day, from 2:30pm to 7:00pm the next morning. (16 1/2 hours -- BVT was only 15 on a LONG DAY) So I am going to need to start getting ready to function as a productive member of a goddamn MUSICAL on about 5... count them 5 fucking hours of sleep. And that is assuming that I don't have any thing to do outside of the theatre. I mean I am going to do it, but what the fuck am I thinking. Also as a side note: as friends may know me I may have some pretty interesting bloggings coming up as I tend to let the flood gates in my mind go when I am a little on the sleep deprived side.

RETURN OF THE SURVEY

2006-11-14T21:22:00.000-06:00

1. Height?
5' 9" approximate

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
not that I can recollect

3. Do you own a gun?
not anymore, but I used to have a sawed off 12 gauge

4. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents?"
not really because I can fake sanity for a visit

5. What do you think of hot dogs?
mmmmm...Intestines

6. What's your favorite Christmas song?
The Kids Go Nuts at Xmas New song I heard from Mrs Bob Cratchit's Wild X-mas Binge. It is sung in a Norwegian accent. It just makes me laugh.

7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
I drink pop in the morning noon and night

8. Can you do push ups?
not as well as you think I can

9. Is your bathroom clean?
as clean as it can be. (there is always is a lingering odor)

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
I am a ring nut, but I also have a dog tag from RENT that reminds me of Brad Fuglei.

11. Do you like pain killers?
only if I need them for pain

12. Do you have A.D.D?
OOOOH... SHINY

13. Middle Name?
Norman (after my uncle)

14. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
What am I thinking?
This cheese is delicious.
Man my computer is slow.

15. Name the last 3 things you have bought this week:
pop, Cheese, DVDs

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
Diet Pepsi, Monster Energy Drink w/juice, Beer

17. Current worry?
I really should be doing something else right now

18. Current hate?
I still hate ignorance w/ apathy

19. Favorite place to be?
acting on Stage

20. Least favorite place to be?
Doctor's office

21. Where would you like to go?
Where ever the wind may fly me to

22. Do you own slippers?
no

23. What shirt are you wearing?
I am not wearing a shirt

24. Do you burn or tan?
I turn fire engine red

25. Favorite color(s)?
Black

26. Would you be a pirate?
I would rather be a ninja.

27. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I will sing show tunes, Bob and Tom songs, or Amazing Grace.

28. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Snakes and spiders

29. What's in your pockets right now?
Hex nuts, screws, and empty Wallet

30. What was the last thing to make you laugh?
Today's Bob and Tom Show

31. Worst injury you've ever had?
Knee Surgery (I actually have metal hardware in there)

32. How many TVs do you have in your house?
4 total I own 1
33. Who is your loudest friend?
I have too many loud friends.

34. Who is your quietest friend?
I am usually the quiet one

35. Does someone have a crush on you?
What? Do you know something?

36. Do you wish on shooting stars?
Nope

37. What is your favorite book?
Othello (sorry for the Theatre stereotype)

38. What is your favorite candy?
I have a weakness for White Chocolate

39. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
I don't plan on being married

40. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life from Monty Python's Life of Brian

41. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
playing Tony Hawk's Project 8

42. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Where are my fucking pants?

Celebrity Look alikes

2006-10-08T12:24:00.000-05:00

MyHeritage

2006-09-05T23:17:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc_OSVL47-M

THAT IS ALL THANK YOU

Hello again to an old friend

2006-04-25T22:45:00.000-05:00

My friends at the Old Westboro Baptist Church or (WBC) are popping up in the darndest of places.

Member talking on Fox News

I hate these peoplea nd everything that they stand for. and here is why. Remeber that when you read this replace this with your one of your friends

Flier from the Chruch protesting my friend's funeral and my current High School

Princess Bride reference in Pirate cards

2006-04-12T20:08:00.000-05:00

http://www.wizkidsgames.com/pirates/carddetail.asp?unitid=8762

It's all about me. DEAL WITH IT

2006-04-09T20:28:00.000-05:00

I have two bullitiens, no wait I got three:

1. I am now on facebook. They finally got a loophole system where it can go throuhh my Email account at metro that I will probably never look at any more. so if I havent found you, you can find me: here.

2. I added that new monolgue that I talked about earlier on Deviant art. at the link at the right. but if you dont want to make an account to see the monolgues. I have put them as well as some old monolgues I wrote at the website http://www.brownvilletheatre.com/scripts/

3. also on the website above, I have Something with Love in the Title- THE PROJECT. if you want to know more about it email me and I will probably add someting to the website explaining it.

Me on Deviant Art

2006-03-21T00:48:00.000-06:00

Hey I know that some of you know I write monologues. I never say I write good ones. and sometimes I dont even write happy one(I havent yet)

I joined a site that lets me post up monologues and lets you comment on them. They are under the "deviations section" Here is the site:

Me on Deviant Art

and if you have a Deviant Art site check me out.

Help us out

2006-03-12T16:29:00.000-06:00

THE BIZIBLE

Operation money

Theater Creatures

2006-03-10T19:34:00.000-06:00

Here's a list of a few salient types from the world of community theater. Recognize anybody?

The Wanderer
The actor or actress with a bad case of impaired spatial relationship syndrome. Yes, the usually minor character you block upstage-right to get them out of the way, and who somehow still manages to wind up center stage at the denouement. These folks can cause more traffic jams than a six-car pile-up in downtown Manhattan.

The Voice of Experience
When an actor or actress begins most sentences with, "In my high school drama class we...", your show has been infested with the Voice of Experience. These "pearls of wisdom" will be blithely dropped into the brief interval between one director's note and the next. Unfortunately, most state game commissions still ban the hunting of these creatures, despite their overpopulation problems.

"We did it better at Goshawful Players"
This pervasive pest has a nasty case of "rose-colored" hindsight. Looking back on the nostalgic days of yesteryear, they are quick to point out that things were always handled better at the last community theater group they were a part of. Of course, after listening to them for more than two rehearsals or cast parties, one always get the idea that their last theater group bought them a one-way ticket to your town and you start to wonder what you ever did to the Goshawful Players.

The Fallen Star
This is a sub-species of the "We did it better at..." listed above. Prone to name-dropping and statements that end with, "Of course, we got paid there," this creature is always on the verge of finding a "new" agent and flitting off to New York or L.A. Most often, the closest this type has ever come to Broadway is balcony seats at the road show of Les Miz. Unfortunately, paying their fare to New York or L.A. is not only prohibitively expensive for a small theater group, this species also has at least a dozen reasons why "now is a bad time."

Now starring in the Late-Late Show...
So they were late to auditions... maybe they had trouble finding the theater. Then they were late to the read-through. "The dog was playing with my script... She was so cute, couldn't bear to take it away." Then it was the first rehearsal. "7:30? I thought you said 8!" As rehearsals continue, you hear that bankrobbers kidnapped the actor's mother, his car caught fire "for no reason at all," suspicious characters were following her and she had to "shake them." Finally, you had to make cast call for performances an hour early to make sure he/she showed up on time! Masters of the creative excuse, if they could put half that creativity into their characters, they'd be being late on Broadway instead of disrupting your rehearsals.

The Party Animal
"I hear you guys have great cast parties!" This creature, thinking there is no higher humor than the whoopie cushion, quickly becomes "cast clown." This one is often responsible for other actors breaking character or having hot flashes after eating the mints on stage. If your drunk gasps loudly and turns red in performance, chances are there was real whisky in his "whiskey" and your cast clown is backstage, rolling on the floor. Remember to count to a zillion and remove all sharp objects from the theater before discussing "professionalism in community theater" with your actor.

Bachelor(ette) Number One!
Single or newly divorced, this character shows up looking for love in all the wrong places... backstage, in the green room, at the makeup area, and especially at cast parties. Saltpeter works well.

I didn't even know

2006-03-05T22:27:00.000-06:00

http://www.wsc.edu/schools/ahu/cmar/theatre/acting_directing/

This really doesn't mean a lot to people but I saw a pictured that made me kinda cry a little. Go a little down til the first image and look on the far left, almost in shadow That big dude sitting in the wheelchair is ME. That is a shot from the 2nd play in my college life. THAT IS THE PLAY THAT MADE ME BECOME VERY SERIOUS ABOUT ACTING. And I started to cry because I knew I didn't complete the job I started to look at things where my name should be I should have been part of a directing class. Instead I am just a guy that graduating seniors this my remember from other people. My biggest fear is being forgotten. I just don't want it to happen.

Sorry if I bummed you out.

Good night and Buddha Blessings.

I JUST HOPE EVERY ONE IS ENJOYING THEIR MID-TERM BREAK.

2006-03-05T21:50:00.000-06:00

I am so bored at home. I never knew how much theatre was what my life was. I am working on the website for BVT 2006. I am actually excited about it because it is actually going to be seen by people who probably have no idea of me. I just sent in the contract, and a head shot in so I probably be adding it to myspace and display pic on messenger. I never been more excited about going to Brownville. That being said it sucks that a couple of people couldn't come back. And it is going to be weird knowing that almost every one there has been there for at least one season. And the living situation is going to be nuts. Christ I don't even know what my Tech position is. According to doc I am going to Script Supervise/Stage Manage 2 Shows and I assume be in three it is tough to ell what else I am going to do. Doc used the phrase "part-time House Manager with Brett". I n my opinion I would simply do nothing but get in Brett's way. It seems as though he doens't do much but I noticed his system. And I think someone else, even if he knows what he is doing would just screw him up. I figuring I am going to spend more time on scenery then on HM stuff. And that is assuming that the parts I get are small parts (like last year)

Okay this one is a short one.

2006-03-03T21:37:00.000-06:00

I am sorry for my habit of turning a weeks worth of posting in to one gigantic rambling. I know I hate to read them a lot. I know I haven't been posting a lot recently because I just noticed how boring my life is outside of a theatre production. I take it as a confirmation that I need a job in this industry. Anyway, I almost got my bank paid back. So hopefully my mom will get off my ass about it. It is almost comforting to know that my summer will be spent paying for the next great debt I am going to accumulate. ( I don't know what it will be yet but, I am a college age man. It will happen.)

2006-02-27T21:01:00.000-06:00

How is every one doing? That is nice... weather is nice for this time of year don't you think? Alright enough of this pleasantness, I got a week to make up for:

Okay last Monday (2/20), I auditioned for The Underpants by Steve Martin at the Omaha Community Playhouse (OCP for short). I knew I needed to audition n Monday because I was told by my lighting class teacher that the class was going to be short on Monday but run long on Tuesday. Well in reality class was NON-EXISTENT on Monday and he decided not to tell anyone. So I didn't have two hours to take a decent shower and get the dye of my skull and hands. Which I had the amount to think by some people that I was wearing bright blue gloves. This is all before I have even entered the audition.

The process started with a nice LENGTHY FORM to fill out. I am used to auditioning for things and it being my first audition at OCP I complied. While filling the form out a woman who I assumed have done this before started reading the character descriptions out loud and started with the lead: "a 20-year-old stubborn, muscular, husband with a buzz cut" She then looked right at me. I did nothing but smile and said that I never even read a word of the script. (This was true) Then after turning in the form I walked into the theatre. We sat around for what seemed like an eternity. Then the director came in, and it finally occurred to me when he put his glasses that he was Carl Beck who is like the head guy at OCP. (His picture is on the front page of the web page (link at Right)). He then passed out scripts and I was assigned the part I looked like, however I was up first up (guessing he did it by alphabetical order) Just before I we started I was then asked about my hands first by a fellow auditioner then by the Director. I read about seven pages then my audition was completely done, unknown to me though. I had to be there for an hour sitting and having to get out of the way for all the women who auditioned. I left the audition thinking that I was one of 3 guys who were even up for the role and out of the 3 I had the best shot.

On the way to lighting class on Tuesday (2/21) I got stuck in the elevator. I am going to repeat this: I GOT STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR. I was in there for an hour. After I got out I went to class and we went even longer than he thought, but I still went down to see who auditioned on Tuesday to get the whole spectrum of audtioners. I am glad one other person was there from yesterday too, so I didn't seem like a freak. Well I watched and I figured there was one other guy that could possibly be the part I was up for. I went home happy and nervous.

Wednesday (2/22) and Thursday (2/23) went by with no problem other than the usual adding to another layer of blue to my skin.

Friday (2/24) came and I was sick as a dog, so I knew I was going to need to call in sick at the temporary service by 5:00AM on Friday. Luckily I woke up at 4 and immediately called them and got the message service. Usually, they then call back at 5AM to check and see that it wasn't something that a doctor needed to see. So I tried to stay awake till 5. 5:30 came around and I fell asleep. I then to went to go talk to the giant Q (If you don't know, I won't explain it). After I woke up at 11:00, I noticed a message from the temp service at Aurstaff, but they didn't until 7:25 so I bet that my Message didn't get passed on to the right people and they are calling wondering why I didn't go to work at 7:00AM. I understand mistakes happen, but damn it, I might get fired over this. It wouldn't bother me so damn much if this was the exception as opposed to the rule.

I spent the day talking to the Q and sleeping. When my sister came home from school, she gave a letter from OCP. It was a letter to inform me that I wasn't cast in the production. That didn't bother me. There were roughly 22 people in total of both auditions, and that it was a small cast of about 6.

Okay boys and girls, time to stand on my soap box:

What bothered me was how I was told. I also think I wasn't helped by the fact that I saw all the auditions too. I understand that the man has a bit of a busy schedule. However I would like to think that the head man at one of the Midwest's #1 community theatre will at least give his audtioners the respect of a phone call. A fucking 2 minute phone call per person wouldn't even be an hour in this man's schedule. Oh and believe me he never even saw the letter that was sent out. It was a database letter (the letter that has the same generic sentences and that anything that needed to be specific was in CAPS.) The prick didn't even have the time to sign the bastard. His signature was printed on. As far as casting go I think I wouldn't be pissed about not getting cast, unless he cast someone I saw. There was a gentle that I think is a great actor, or at least, I think he is as good of an actor as me. My big problem with it is the fact that he looks Asian.

WHY WOULD THAT MAKE YOU MAD, ERIC? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ASIANS? YOU ARE NOT A RACIST ARE YOU?

I thought I told you when I am on my soap box I was not to be disrupted. NOW BACK INTO THE PIT AND I WILL DEAL WITH YOU LATER!!!!!!!

Sorry, I hate when that side comes out of me. Where was I? Oh okay. My problem with the casting of this gentleman is the fact that the play is set in GERMANY. If I need to explain this any further, come over and you can go into my pit too.

I now step down off my box:
Being the optimist I am, I did have a positive out of the experience, I did finally finish a monologue that I started at BVT last summer. It lay dormant and then it came to me. Just to let you all know more about my psyche. You know, if the top segment didn't creak the door open, it involves suicide, children, midgets, candy, and sex.

Is there anyone suprised by this?

2006-02-25T23:32:00.000-06:00

You Are 84% Evil

You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you!

How Evil Are You?

Look, I am a large, hairy pianist.

2006-02-09T19:20:00.000-06:00

You Are Rowlf the Dog

Mellow and serious, you enjoy time alone cultivating your talents.
You're a cool dog, and you always present a relaxed vibe.
A talented pianist, you can play almost anything - especially songs by Beethoven.
"My bark is worse than my bite, and my piano playing beats 'em both."

The Muppet Personality Test

Try and argue with this, Fuckers.

2006-02-04T23:46:00.000-06:00

How to make a Eric Green

Ingredients:

5 parts mercy

5 parts brilliance

1 part ego

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of emotion

Personality cocktail From Go-Quiz.com

A quick sample

2006-02-04T16:26:00.000-06:00

http://hometown.aol.com/bellelittle/myhomepage/Currentphotos.html

These are shots from an actual preformance. They also shot a DVD of last night's preformance. So I should be getting that on the second to last night of my run (2/12). So yeah, I may just wallow in my own sadness and loathing for a long time after.

2006-02-01T16:42:00.000-06:00

Well It has been 11/21 since the last time I actually talked about my life so I wont even try to do a day by day thing.

As far as my little theatre run. Mousetrap is going great but we got a review that was a little weird. It wasn't a good review, it wasn't a bad review, it was a poorly written review. It was a review about everything but the show. The writer, apparently, has a history of doing this. His big mistake is the review the theatre and didn't really review the show. He spent two paragraphs an the fact that he thought the play should have been placed in 1952. WE SET THE PLAY IN 1952. We had a slight problem with the program. The script says it is placed in present day, but it was when the play was written. So I would understand why he was confused. One slight problem, we had period costumes, we had a period set, we had period music, we still make all the references to WWII, and period props. Trotter had period skis. WE WERE IN FUCKING PERIOD. So to the writer I say a phrase I say a lot, "PUT 2 and 2 together and DO THE FUCKING MATH!"

Enough ranting now on to the show: On stage I am very happy, spry gentlemen in a gigantic wig. The reviewer from above stated that "I should deserve a medal for simply appearing" in the wig but he found it distracting. As far as back stage goes I got two words for you COSTUME CHANGE. I have no doubt the biggest wardrobe in the show by far. This how it breaks down:

2 white button-up shirts (one for each night)
brown pants
black socks
brown shoes
red Jacket
8 Sweater vests of various types
9 Ties
brown hat
scarf

I have a costume changes every time I leave the stage. I will try to get pictures of me in costume. You bet your ass I will post them if I can. My run now starts on Friday and Saturday @ 8 (call @ 7), and Sunday @ 2 (call @ 1).

As far as other things in my life not much is going on. My credit card has been revoked from me until I pay off my debt to the bank. The only thing I can use that card on is gas and I must pay at the pump. Also I am now having to pay $75 of my weekly paycheck towards the bank, and 70 towards school which I appreciate. I am forced to use only $25 for the week on anything I would want to purchase. (including food and pop) As most people who know me I have soda going through my bloodstream. SO it has been kinda tough. Also I think she is driving me toward learning how to organize a checkbook. Frankly, my probation officer wasn't as nosy as this woman. I have to have receipts of everything I purchase and post it on a list for the week so she can check them and when my statement comes I have to go over them with her. When I mean "go over them", I mean I should have the past month remembered TO THE CENT or a loaded gun was pointed at me.

51 of the most random things you probably never needed to know about someone.

2006-01-29T06:22:00.000-06:00

1. Your name spelled backwards? CIRE
2. Last incoming call on your phone? Sister from Shopko
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Bob & Tom show from 1/27
4. What's your favorite restaurant? Hong Hing Chinese Buffet
5. Last time you swam in a pool? I don't swim if I don't have to
6. Brittney Spears is a skank. Agree or disagree? Talent-less hack
7. How many kids do you want? I am already in line for a hysterectomy
8. Type of music you dislike most? Music I can't understand. I also don't like instrumentals.
9. What was the last thing you bought? Pop and Phillies Peach Cigarillos
10. Have you ever ridden on a bike? Yep, but it took me a while to learn
11. Does someone have a crush on you? I tend to turn into a "big brother" before that happens but the possibility is always there
12. Ever made a prank phone call? I still do.
13. Listening to music? Yep
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Neither one of these activities are made for me.
15. What shoes are you wearing right now? slip on off brands from Pamida that are now covered in peppermint fragrance
16. Do you have a garden? nope
17. What's your favorite comic strip? of all time: Calvin and Hobbes currently: THE BOONDOCKS
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? yep I have had to sing it before.
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? night shower
20. Hello or goodbye? goodbye
21. Favorite pizza toppings? shrimp and cheese
22. Chips or popcorn? chips
23. Favorite color? black
24. What did ur last text message you received say? I don't have a cell phone
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? nope
26. Orange Juice or apple? I'm 50/50 on it.
27. Who were the last people you went out to dinner with? Joey and a couple of friends.
28. What did the last text message that u sent say? note the lack of cell phone
29. Lucky number? 00
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? when I was 6.
31. Have you ever won a trophy? Won a couple of football trophies and such.
32. Are you a good cook? As long as it has instructions I can do it.
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? It would be sad if I didn't
34. Do the Chinese really use cats in their food? only the paws
35. Sprite or 7-Up? both suck
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school? nope
37. Last thing you ate? Hot pocket
38. Ever thrown up in public? yep
39. Would you rather find true love or be a millionaire? give me the million right now
40. Do you believe in love at first sight? I think it could happen.
41. Think fast, who do you hate right now? hard for me to hate, I can dislike strongly though.
42. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? My grandma after her colon surgery.
43. Where will you be for Valentines day? At home the day after my Mousetrap run.
44. Last time you laughed? Today after the show. After we found out who messed with our soundboard during an audition for Joseph.
45. What's your favorite animal? the Quetzal, it is a South American Bird
46. What was the name of your first pet? Barney, a St Bernard
47. Who is the second to last person to call you? Mother from Work
48. Is there anything going on this weekend? I have two performances of Mousetrap.
49. How are you feeling right now? tired but good
50. What do you think about most? There is so much in the maze that is my cortex that it can be organized in any manner shape or form.
51. What do you think of the person that posted this before you? I will plead the 5th amendment to the constitution

2006-01-24T16:17:00.000-06:00

You Are 68% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at high risk for having a social phobia. It is very likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Well Here it is!!!!!

2006-01-12T17:40:00.000-06:00

2006-01-11T22:43:00.000-06:00

1. Initials: E.N.G.

2. Name someone with the same birthday as you: Cheech of Cheech and Chong

3. Last thing that you ate? Mac and Cheese with bratwurst

4. For or against same sex marriage? For

5. Are you homophobic? I find people who are, ARE MORONIC.

6. Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings? Can't wake up early enough to.

7. Do you believe in God? I believe in gods not on singular being in a chair up there.

8. How many U. S. States have you been to? 12

9. How many of the U. S. States have you lived in? 2

10. Have you ever lived outside the U. S.? No

11. Name something you like physically about yourself: my shaved head (as long as I didn't cut myself)

12. Something non-physical you like about yourself: I think I got a pretty good sense of humor.

13. What is your dad's name? Timothy

14. What is your dream car? A mini cooper

15. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? Greece, Germany, make a nice long stop in Amsterdam, then I would walk across Liechtenstein high off my ass.

16. Favorite type of food? Chinese

17. Favorite holiday? Halloween (All Hollow's eve)
18. Do you download music? Yeah but it is usually stiff I cant find in a music store. (Roccapella, DaVinci's Notebook, etc.)

19. How many illegal things have you done? Too damn many to count

20. Where would you want to go on a first date? Depends on the girl, Nothing makes me enjoy the date more than the comfort of the lady I am with.

21. What is your favorite sport? Football

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you? Nope

23. Have you ever cried for no reason? Oh yeah manic than depressed but I kinda evened out a lot.

24. Do you like President Bush? I lead to the bottom of the blog.

25. Have you ever bungee jumped? It wasn't designed for a man of my build. It just screams "Tetherball" to me.

26. Have you ever white water rafted? Don't really plan on it.

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Some one told me I looked very cute in my overalls.

28. Last person you hugged? My mother.

29. Have you met a real real redneck? I am one. And it is genetic.

30. How is the weather right now? Raining so chance of snow

31. What song are you listening to right now? Bob & Tom from last Monday.

32. What is your current favorite song?

33. What was the last movie you watched?

34. Do you wear contacts? Nope

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? Bellevue Little Theatre for rehearsal

36. What are you afraid of the most?

37. Have you ever hit on someone of the opposite sex? Very poorly and on a bet.

38. Any pets? 1 dog and one fish

39. Have you ever loved someone? Yap

40. What really turns you on? Tough to tell but it will be there when it is there

41. What do you usually order from Starbucks? I DON'T DRINK ANY THING THAT COMES IN A GRANDE

43. Are you missing someone? YES AND THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE.

44. Say something totally random about yourself: Two words: "ASS MOSS"

45. Do you have an iPod? Nope

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Brian Dennehy
47. What's your mom's name? Denise

48. Who would you like to see right now? My friends from WSC and BVT.

49. Are you comfortable with your height? Pretty much

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing? I would like to cite the 5th amendment to the US constitution

52. Favorite flower? Venus Fly Trap

53. Butter, plain, kettle,or salted popcorn? Salted w/ butter

54. What books are you reading?GIT R DONE y Larry the Cable guy, When will Jesus Bring the Pork chops? by George Carlin, and THE TRUTH(now with jokes)by Al Franken

55. Have you ever ridden in a limo? yep

56. Has anyone you were really close to passed away? A couple of Relatives

57. Do you watch MTV? I USED TO WHEN IT PLAYED MUSIC

58. What's something that really annoys you? People who can't spell my name.

59. What are some things you really like?too much to list

60. Do you like Michael Jackson? I liked the music the person is creepy

61. Can you dance? If a machine tells me

62. Fav baseball team? Cubs

63. Favorite breakfast food? Don't eat breakfast

65. What's the latest you have ever stayed out? 7:30 AM

66. When was the last time you went bowling? 2 years ago

67. Were you ever rushed into the emergency room? yep

68. If 67 is true, why? Popped my knee on football field, then popped it again my 2nd week in college.

69. What's your favorite state to live in? NEBRASKA (only one so far)

28 questions that no one would think to ask.

2005-12-31T21:25:00.000-06:00

These are supposedly 28 questions that no one would EVER think to ask.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Don't make a funny face, Don't make a funny face. Then usually I have a funny face.

2. How much cash do you have on you? $25 with $20 more that needs to make a trip to the bank

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"? CONQUEST

4. Favorite planet? Wherever I came from.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? What is this Cell Phone you speak of

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? All right now I'm getting pissed

7. What shirt are you wearing? A red long sleeve shirt with "INMATE 00816-74" on it with a black button up Shirt over it.

8. Do you "label" yourself? I label my self as unlabelable so I guess I label my self as contradictory.

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing? Sketchers

10. Bright or Dark Room? Dark

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Playing Video games and watching TV

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? ENOUGH WITH THE CELL PHONES GEEZ!!!!!!!

15. Where is your nearest 7-11? It says there isn't one near me. I use the Quick shop

16. What's a saying that you say a lot? I am he, and he is me. (A reply to "Is this Eric?")

17. Who told you they loved you last? My Sister

18. Last furry thing you touched? My dog, Myrtle.

19. How many drugs have you done in the past three days? Alcohol, pot, headache medication

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? I use a digital camera now.

21. Favorite age you have been so far? 18 (Porn beats alcohol)

22. Your worst enemy? Don't know of one yet

23. What is your current desktop picture? Black screen with red devil smile.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? Yeah. (to dad telling boring story about his High School football.)

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to love which would it be? I don't want to be in that situation

26. Do you like someone? Yes

27. The last song you listened to? Listening to Bob and Tom right now.

28. Whets the scariest thing you've ever seen? Not sure

WARNING READ THIS AND YOULL GO BLIND!!!!!

2005-12-29T15:36:00.000-06:00

I am going to start out by saying that this is by far the most offensive post I think I will ever make. THAT BEING SAID: I found a website that actually lists Male Masturbation Euphemisms. So here it is in all its glory

3 man show
A big date with Rosy Palms
A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters
Abusing the wicked stick
Accosting the Oscar Meyer
Addressing MrPalmer
Adjusting the antenna
Adjusting your set
Aiding and abetting a known felon
Answer the bone-a-phone
Applying the hand brake
Appropriate the means
Arguing with Henry Longfellow
Arm aerobics
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Arm-wrestling the purple-headed stormtrooper
Asking for a second opinion (your second head)
Assault on a friendly weapon
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Attending to the throb knob needs
Auditioning the hand puppet
Backstroke roulette
Badgering the witness
Baiting your hook
Ball off
Ball slappin' fun
Bangin' your bacon
Banging one out
Banging the Cyclops
Barking up the wrong tree
Bash the bishop
Bash the candle
Bashing the Bishop
Bashing the pear
Basting the ham
Batting practice
Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
Battling the purple-helmet warrior
Be your own best friend
Beat off
Beat Pete
Beat the Bishop
Beat the Bologna
Beat the Butter
Beat the Dummy
Beat the Meat
Beat the Stick
Beat up your date
Beat your hog
Beat your meat like it owes you money
Beatin' Bobby
Beating Bob and the twins
Beating Jack
Beating off
Beating the bait
Beating the balloon
Beating the balogna
Beating the beagle
Beating the bed flute
Beating the bishop
Beating the dummy
Beating the fuck out of your best friend
Beating the goat
Beating the old man
Beating the pud
Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget
Beating the snake
Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick
Beating the stick
Beating your meat
Beef tips stroking off
Beef-stroke-it-off
Being a virtuoso of the skin flute
Being rough with the sex stick
Being your own best friend
Belaboring the obvious
Belt your hog
Bequeath your genes
Beta testing your hardware
Biffing off
Bitch-Slapping the Dark Knight
Blanket drill, The
Bleed the lizard
Bleed the weed
Blessing the alter boy
Bloating the vein
Blow Your load
Blow your own horn
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Blueball baseball
Blue-ball buster
Bob the hog
Bombing the German helmut
Bonging your shlong
Booting up the hard drive
Bop the boa
Bop the bonzo
Bop the hog
Bopping Richard
Bopping the bishop
Bopping the Bonzo
Bouncing the bunny
Box the Jesuit
Box with Richard
Boxin the Ballsack
Boxin' the Bozak
Boxing Oscar
Boxing Oscar in the closet
Boxing the bald champ
Boxing the clown
Boxing the Jesuit
Boxing the Jesuit and getting cockroaches
Boxing the one-eyed clown
Boxing the trouser mouse
Boxing with Richard
Break one off
Burping private ryan
Breaking the fish tank
Bringing MrWeasel back from the dead
Brushing up on your typing skills
Buck the bone
Buckin' it
Buff the banana
Buff the mushroom
Buff the wood
Buffin' the bishop
Buffing my wand
Buffing the rifle
Buffing your nuts
Bugger your hand
Buggering your hand
Building upper-body strength
Bunning your hot dog
Burning off a few calories
Burp the baby
Burp the baldman
Burp the worm
Bust a nut
Butter the corn
Cajun clown fucking
Calling all cum
Calling down for more mayo
Calling genie
Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis
Calling in the secret service
Caning the vandal
Caping the crusader
Capturing the bishop
Carrying weight
Cast off
Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile
Chafing the weasel
Changing your oil
Charge the rod
Charging the Inertial Dampeners
Charging up the main gun
Charm the cobra
Charm the serpent/snake
Charming the cobra
Charming the one-eyed trouser snake
Cheap date
Cheating on your other hand
Check for testicular cancer
Checking for testicular cancer
Checking the plumbing
Cheese off
Chicken milking
Chilling the dill
Chipping wood
Choke Charlie 'till he chunders
Choke Kojak
Choke the bishop
Choke the chicken
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Choking Charlie 'till he throws up
Choking the bald guy until he pukes
Choking the chicken
Choking the hog
Choking the pirate
Choking up on the bat
Choking your chicken
Choking yourself into emission
Chong your schlong
Chopping down
Chucking the yogurt
Churning butter
Civil War
Clamp the pipe
Clean your pipes
Clean Your Rifle
Cleaning out the rope
Cleaning out your account
Cleaning the walls after an accident involving the Milk Man and the Cyclops
Clear the snorkel
Climb the tree
Climbing Mount Baldy
Climbing Mt. Barbell (for guys with pierced dicks)
Climbing the corporate ladder
Clobbering the bad guy
Clobbering the Kleenex
Closet Frisbee
Closing the deal
Clubbing Eddy
Clubbing the baby seal
Clubbing the clam
Clubbing the dummy
Coating Prince William Sound with love oil
Coax the cajones
Cocking some soup
Cocking the rifle
Collecting a specimen
Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally
Combing your hair
Coming to grips with the situation
Coming to grips with yourself
Committing mass spermicide
Communicating with Red Leader One
Communing with nature
Conjuring Up A Rain Slicker
Conking the Cardinal
Consulting with your silent partner
Converse with Harry Palm
Cooking the cream of cock
Cooking with Wong
Corral your tadpole
Corralling the tadpoles
Cough your filthy yogurt
Crab tease
Crack off a batch
Cracking off
Cracking the bat
Cracking the fat
Crank the love pump
Crank the Shank
Crank yanking
Cranking
Cranking for cum
Cranking one off
Cranking the monkey
Cranking the shank
Creaming the banana
Crimp the wire
Cross-Examing the Witness
Crown the king
Crushing pop cans in the dark
Cuddle the kielbasa
Cuff the carrot
Cuff the governor
Cuffing the dummy
Cuffing the puppy
Culture the American Blood Sausage
Custer's Last Stand
Daisy-chaining
Dancing in the dragon's fiery breath
Dancing round the maypole
Dancing with Johnnie One-Eye
Dancing with the one-eyed sailor
Date Miss Michigan
Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
Date Palmala Handerson
Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Dating Mother Palm and her five daughters
Debating the Albino Newt
Debugging the hard drive
Decongesting the weasel
Defrosting the fridge
Detoxifying the puppy
Devil's handshake
Dick whacking
Diddle
Diddle whacking
Diddle yourself
Diddling the dinky
Digging for change
Digital penile oscillation
Digitally oscillating one's penis
Dilly with the willy
Dinging the dong
Discharging the heat-seeking moisture missile
Discipline your soldier
Disciplining the primate
Discovering your own potential
Discussing Uganda
Dishonorable discharge
Disobey the Pope
Disseminating
Distributing free literature
Do handiwork
Do it your way
Do the Dew
Do the janitor thing
Do the white knuckler
Dogger Bank
Doin' a loner with your boner
Doin' extra credit
Doin' the Hand Jive
Doin' the solitary rhumba
Doing a hand job
Doing an impression of Goofy
Doing battle with the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love
Doing it your way
Doing the five-knuckle shuffle
Doing the hand jive
Doing the hand-cooter
Doing the janitor thing
Doing the knuckle shuffle on the ol' piss pump
Doing the plotkin
Doing the pork sword jiggle
Doing the sin of Onan
Doing the Skin Limbo
Doing the White Knuckler
Doing your homework
Doing your own thing
Dong flogging
Donkey Spank
Doodle your noodle
Downing at the club (for members only)
Downing the pitcher
Downloading from your own website
Dra en handtralla
Drain Charle's Dickens
Drain the dragon
Drain the monster
Drain the vein
Draining the dragon
Draining the main vein
Draining the monster
Draining the one-eyed monster
Draining the poisons from the building
Draining the vats
Drip the pickle
Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust
Driving the skin bus
Drizzle the squid
Drop off a load
Droppin' a wad of hot wax
Dropping a line
Dropping stomach pancakes
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Drubbing the dolphin
Dry humping the ottoman
Dry-Firing the Turtle
Dry-firing your musket
Duking the Bishop
Dundering the devil-dolphin
Dunking the dolphin
Dusting the old trophy
Eating grapes with the one-armed man
Eberting Siskel
Educating Peter
Electing the President
Empty the cannon
Emptying your sex pistol
Encapsulate your probe
Engage in safe sex
Erupting Vesuvius
Escorting the one-eyed postal worker out of his denim cell
Evacuating Tatooine
Evacuating the Bomb Squad
Evicting the testicular squatters
Excercise your rights
Exercise one's right
Exercising your right to privacy
Express yourself
Extracting some crack spackle
Facha la manuela
Falling in love with your right hand
Fapping
Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love
Faxing Jimmy Dean
Faxing the Pope
Feed the ducks
Feed the fist
Feeding bologna to the Smurfs
Feeding the chooks
Feeling your way around
Fencing with the pork sword
Fertilizing My Comforter
Fetch the bagel dog
Fetching milk
Fiddle the flesh flute
Fidget with your digit
Fight the Champ
Fight your turkey
Filling Charlie's magic sock
Finding yourself
Fire the hand cannon
Fire the Surgeon General
Fire the wobbly warhead
Firing off a round
Firing the flesh musket
Firing the love rifle
Firing the pound gun
Firing the presidential staff
Firing the Surgeon General
Firm your worm
Fishing for the two-toned trouser trout
Fishing for zipper trout
Fishing with dynamite
Fist Fuck
Fist kebabing
Fist of fury
Fist your mister
Fist Your Monster
Five knuckle olympics
Five knuckle shuffle
Five on one
Five-Digit Shuffle
Five-finger discount
Five-finger solo
Five-knuckle chuckle
Five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
Fixing the Hubble
Fixing the toilet
Flail the whale
Flame out on engine #3
Flanking the Romans
Flaying the Emperor
Flick on over the thumb
Flicking the bic
Fling your phallus
Flipping the Bishop
Flipping your omelet
Flog the bishop
Flog the Dog
Flog the dolphin
Flog the dong
Flog the log
Flog the mule
Flog yourself
Flogging the Bishop
Flogging the dong
Flogging the egg man
Flogging the frog
Flogging the General
Flogging your dumber brother
Flogging your stob
Flong your dong
Fluffing the pillow
Flute solo
Fly fishing
Flying a kite
Following my bliss
Fondle the Fig
Fondle your flagpole
Fondling the ferret
Fondling the fig
Fondling the fisherman
Fooling with your tool
Forcing Lex Luthor To Surrender
Foreplay with Fistina
Four-knuckle shuffle (for those who lost a finger in 'Nam)
Fragging the Sarge
Free Willy
Freeing the hostages
Freeing your dick fish into the gene pool
Friction therapy
Frig yourself
Frigging the love muscle
Friggit
Frost the pastries
Frosting your maple bar
Frugeling the gourmet
Frying up the corndog
Fuck Mary Fist
Fucking a pillow
Fucking Mrs. Fist, the five-fingered widow
Fun with friction
Gallop the Antelope
Gallop the old lizard
Ganging the plank
Ganking
Gardening with the golden trowel
Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion
Get a hold of yourself
Get the German soldier marching
Get to know yourself
Get your nuts off
Get your pole varnished
Gettin' jizzy with it
Getting a date with Slick Mittens
Getting a grip on things
Getting a load off my mind
Getting a milk mustache
Getting a stiffy
Getting busy
Getting chafed
Getting in touch with your manhood
Getting in touch with yourself
Getting My Boys Ready For the Playoffs
Getting off
Getting tennis elbow
Getting the dirty water off your chest
Getting the German soldier marching
Getting the glue stick
Getting to know Miss Michigan
Getting to know yourself
Getting your caps peeled
Getting your exercise
Getting' your oil checked
Getting your palm read by Mister Softee
Getting your palm red
Getting your pole varnished
Gherkin jerkin'
Give it a tug
Give your low five
Givin' the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater a hot-butter noogie
Giving it a tug
Giving Ms. Palm and and her five sisters a ride on the meat train
Giving oneself a "low-five"
Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money
Giving the John Hancock
Giving the pink Mustang a lube job
Giving the pink Mustang a spit shine
Giving the seamen shore leave
Giving your employee a raise
Giving yourself a dishonorable discharge
Giving yourself a hand
Giving yourself a happy ending
Giving yourself a helping hand
Giving yourself a low five
Glazing the donut
Gluing the lady's eye's shut
Go a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
Go on a date with Fisty Palmer
Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Go the blow
Going a couple of rounds with ol' Josh
Going blind
Going for the gold
Going into battle with the purple-helmeted warrior
Going on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Going on a date with Rosey Palm and the five daughters
Going on Peewee's little adventure
Going steady with my bouncing Betty
Going the blow
Going To An Open-Mic
Going to the basement
Goose the gherkin
Grappling the gorilla
Greasin' up my love monkey
Greasing the axle
Greasing the flagpole
Greasing the monkey
Greasing the pipe
Greasing your bone
Grip your dip
Gripping the pencil
Grooming your junior
Hacerse la manuela
Hacerse la paja
Hack off
Hacking the hog
Ham shank
Han Solo
Hand crank
Hand dancing
Hand jive
Hand job
Hand Shandy
Hand Solo
Hand to gland combat
Hand to hand combat with the purple helmeted warrior
Hand work
Handle yourself
Handling heavy equipment
Handling the hound
Hands-on training
Hand-starting the one-eyed yogurt thrower
Hand-to-gland combat
Handy work
Hanging out with Peter Tork
Hanging the old man
Hard labor
Harping on Happy Harry Hard-on
Hatchin' a batch
Have it off
Have It Off
Have one off the wrist
Having a ball
Having a Barclays Bank
Having a bat
Having a chuff
Having a conversation with the one-eyed trouser snake
Having a date with Fisty Palmer
Having a date with Mrs. Thumb and her 4 daughters
Having a date with Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Having a ham shank
Having a J. Arthur (British special, after J. Arthur Rank, it's rhyming slang)
Having a one-night-stand with yourself
Having a play date with your little friend
Having a pull
Having a puppet show in your pants
Having a Roy (Australian)
Having a Sherman (British)
Having a staff meeting
Having a tommy tank
Having a tug
Having a tug-of-war with the cyclops
Having a whack attack
Having an arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Having dinner
Having group sex with five friends
Having it off
Having one off the wrist
Having sex with someone you love
Heating up the hot dog
Heaving the heathen handhold
Helping Mr. Happy
Helping put Mr. Kleenex's kids through college
Helping the python shed its skin
Herkin the Gherkin
Hit on Rosy Palm
Hit the ham
Hitchhike to heaven
Hitchhiking under the Big Top
Hitching to heaven
Hittin' the wood
Hitting the ham
Hitting the sack
Hitting the speedbump
Hitting too close to home
Hoisting the flag
Hoisting your own petard
Hold the bishop
Hold the bold
Hold the mayo
Hold the sausage hostage
Holding all the cards
Holding my own
Holding your sausage hostage
Hone the cone
Hone your bone
Honing the cone
Honing your bone
Honk your horn
Honking the bobo
Hosing down the driveway
Hotdog-a-rama
Hotfooting it to the nearest exit
Huffing on the hoagie
Hug the hog
Hugging the hog
Hump the horn
Hump your fist
Hump your hose
Humpin' air
Humping your fist
Humping your hose
Huskin' corn
Ignite the Lightsaber
In the hand
Infiltrate your crabs
Innoculate the newborn
Interrogating the witness
Introducing the Master of Ceremonies
Investing in pork bellies
Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell
Irking the dude
Ironing some wrinkles
Ironing some wrinkles
J. Arthur Rank (British rhyming slang - wank)
Jack hammer
Jack hammering
Jack off
Jack the corn
Jack the joystick
Jack the sack
Jack your Jizz
Jack your monkey
Jack yourself
Jackhammer
Jackin'
Jackin' the Beanstalk
Jacking off
Jacking up the hot rod
Jack'n the beanstalk
Jag off
Jalarle el pescuezo al ganso
Jam the joystick
Jammin' your jimmy
Jazz yourself
Jazzing yourself
Jelly roll
Jenny Mccarthy Jaunt
Jerk Jamby
Jerk Off
Jerk the gherkin
Jerk the Johnson
Jerk the Turk
Jerk your rope
Jerkin' the gherkin
Jerkin' the jerky
Jerkin' the joystick
Jerkin' the noodle
Jerkin' the wheel
Jerkin' your beef
Jerking Jamby
Jerking off
Jerking the Johnson
Jerking the turkey
Jerking yanking daisy-chaining
Jibbin'
Jiggle the jewelry
Jiggling the dice
Jiggling your Johnson
Jimmying your Joey
Jizzlobbing
Jogging the lizard
Joining the Navy
Joshing it
Jostlin' the Elders
Jostling your Elder
Juggling the javelin
Juice the Moose
Juice your fruit
Juicing the Banana
Juicing the jizz monster
Juicing the mongoose
Jumping the jock
Jumping to Delight Speed
Just combing my hair
Just jerkin' it
Keep the census down
Keeping the Optometrists in business
Kick one out
Kicking seamen
Kicking your roommate out for five to ten minutes to "call your parents"
Kill the Pope
Killing it
Killing the Beast
Killing the bird on punches
Kneading my knockwurst
Kneeding the bread
Knock on wood
Knock the top off
Knockin' over the weeble
Knuckle nobbing
Knuckle shuffle
Knuckle shuffle on the old piss pump
Knuckling the bone
Lap-based web browsingrowsing
Lash the length
Launching a Jism Probe into the Tissue Nebula?
Launching My spawn
Launching the hand shuttle
Launching the morning missile
Launching the rocket
Launching the Tadpoles
Laying the smack down on yourself
Leakin' the main drain
Left to your own devices
Lehavi Bayad
Letting out the bulimic one-eyed monster
Letting the cat out of the bag
Lightening the load
Lighting the candle
Lighting the lava lamp
Lighting Up the Tote Board
Lightsaber practice with Captain Solo
Liquidating the inventory
Little pinky hit the slinky
Living by the fat of the hand
Living it up
Loading from CMOS?
Loading the cannon
Locking the bathroom door
Locking your roommate out so you can call your parents
Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne
Looking for ticks
Lope the mule
Lope the pork sword
Loping your mule
Love the Muppet
Love's labors lost
Loving the lizard
Loving the muppet
Lube the cord
Lubing the tube
Lubricating the love monkey
Lynching the one-eyed monster
Make a foreskin cone
Make instant pudding
Make like Hans Solo and stroke your wookie
Make one-eye cry
Make silly with the willy
Make the bald man puke
Makin' gravy for the biscuit
Makin' moonshine
Making a cash withdrawal
Making a fist sandwich
Making a foreskin cone
Making a knuckle hot dog
Making a six-fist
Making chowder with sailor Ned
Making free hand lotion
Making friends with Big Ed
Making instant pudding
Making it up as you go along
Making magic with leftovers
Making nut butter
Making oyster soup
Making pancakes on your stomach
Making Septic Tank Babies
Making soup
Making soup for one
Making special sauce with frank and beans
Making the bald guy puke
Making the bald man cry
Making the bread rise
Making the Cyclops cry
Making the cyclops do chin-ups 'til he throws up
Making the Kessel Run
Making the llama spit
Making the piggy squeal
Making the scene with the magazine
Making the world safe for democracy
Making vanilla jism shakes
Making wall-paper paste
Making with the tadpoles
Making yogurt
Mangle the midget
Manhandling the manhood
Manhandling your man-handle
Manipulate the mango
Manipulating My Machismo
Manistrupation
Mannin' the Cannon
Manning the cockpit
Manual exercise
Manual labor
Manual override
Manual pollution
Manually assisted wet dream
Manually increasing the surface temperature of the ship's primary cannon by repeated linear manipulation
Manually targeting the Rebel Base
Masonic secret self handshake
Massage the fireman's neck
Massage the muscle
Massage the one-eyed monk
Massage the purple-headed warrior
Massaging Mr. Ho-Ho
Massaging the mink
Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock
Maximize your potency
Measuring for condoms
Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
Medical wankorama
Medieval folk dancing
Meet MrsPalmer and her five daughters
Meet your right-hand man
Meeting Mary Palm and her five sisters
Meeting Rosie Hancock
Meeting with Palmala Handerson
Meeting your kids
Menage a moi
Messin' with Moby
Milk the lizard
Milk the maggot
Milk the member
Milk the moose
Milk the self
Milking one's self
Milking the bull
Milking the cow
Milking the lizard
Milking the monkey
Milking the moose
Milking the mule
Milking the muscle
Milking the weasel
Milking your wood
Milkywaying
Minding my own business
Mix up a batch
Modifying My .WAD
Moisturizing
Moisturizing your hands with your beauty bar
Molding A Crucifix
Molding hot plastic
Molesting the mole
Mount a corporal and a four
Much goo about nothing
Muppeting
Murder the Bishop
Muscling up
Mustard on the burger
My sex life!
Nerk your throbber
Neverland Ranch puppet show
Null the void
Oil the glove
Oiling the baseball bat
Oiling the glove
Oiling the mighty dick hinge
Oiling the pogo stick
Onanism
Onan's olympics
One gun salute
One hand clapping
One handed humpty hump love pump, The
One handed rodeo, The
One handed shim sham
One man band
One man show
One man tug-o-war
One man wrestling
One man's game
One off the wrist
One stop shopping
One-armed skiing
One-eye target practice
One-hand jam
One-handed workout
One-legged race, The
One-man orgy
One-man ring toss
One-man show
One-man tug-o-war
Opening the flood gates
Opening up a bottle of Squirt
Organ solo
Oscillating the Oscar Meyer
Pack your palm
Packaging the ol' sausage
Packing your palm
Paddling the pickle
Paint the ceiling
Paint the CeilingPassing math
Paint the pickle
Paint the walls
Painting the flag pole
Painting the picket fence
Painting your pants
Palm the calm
Palming the calm
Pam Anderson Polka
Pasting pages
Pat the Robertson
Paying at the turnpike
Pearl jamming
Pedal and crank
Pee Wee pleaser
Peeing children
Peel the banana
Peel the carrot
Peeling some chilis
Peeling the banana
Peeling the carrot
Perform diagnostics on your man tool
Performing A Jid Exorcism
Performing a self-test
Performing diagnostics on your ManTool
Performing the Jedi Hand Trick
Perling the oyster
Perm your poodle
Pet the lizard
Peter beater
Petting the dog
Petting the lizard
Petting the puppy
Petting the python
Petting the silk worm
Petting the snake
Petting your animal
Petting your dog
Pipping the pumpkin
Pissing Off the Pope
Pitch a knuckle ball
Plastique-ing the egg wagon
Play a little five-on-one
Play a one-stringed guitar
Play in a one-man show
Play peek-a-boo
Play pocket pinball
Play pocket pool
Play tag with the pink torpedo
Play the organ
Play the piss pipe
Play the pisser
Play the skin flute
Play the stand-up organ
Play tug-o-war with Cyclops
Play Uno
Play with your Willy Wanker
Play with yourself
Playin' the bone-a-thon
Playin' with hardballs
Playing a solo on your meat whistle
Playing Billy Squier on the skin flute
Playing five card draw with a handful of jacks
Playing five card stud
Playing in a one-man show
Playing it safe
Playing miniature golf
Playing Nintendo
Playing paintball with white paint
Playing peekaboo
Playing peekaboo with Darth Vader
Playing Peek-A-Boo with Mr. Johnson
Playing ping pong with your ding dong
Playing pocket pinball
Playing pocket polo with Agent Johnson
Playing pocket pool
Playing soapy Peter
Playing tag with the pink torpedo
Playing the crotch trombone
Playing the fiddle
Playing the flesh flute
Playing the flesh trombone
Playing the hairy banjo
Playing the male organ
Playing the man-flute
Playing the one-handed air guitar
Playing the one-stringed melody
Playing the organ
Playing the pink oboe
Playing the piss pipe
Playing the pisser
Playing the single-string air guitar
Playing the skin flute
Playing the solo symphony
Playing the stand-up organ
Playing tug-o-war with the cyclops
Playing tug-o-war with the staked vampire 'til he flames up
Playing Uno
Playing Whack-A-Mole on the Professional Circuit?
Playing with Dick
Playing with my little brother Peter
Playing with Susi Palmer and her five friends
Playing with the noodle
Playing with the pink Power Ranger
Playing with the pogo stick
Playing with the snake
Playing with the spitting llama
Playing with Yoosef
Playing with your 6th finger
Playing with your big Alien
Playing with your bird
Playing with your noodle
Playing with your turtle (for uncircumcised guys?)
Playing Yahtzee
Playing your instrument
Pleasure pumping
Pluckin' your chicken
Plugging in the toaster
Plunk your twanger
Poaching the salmon
Pocket billiards
Pocket pinball
Pocket pool
Pocket the rocket
Poking palm
Pole vaulting
Polish Percy in your palm
Polish the bayonet
Polish the bishop
Polish the chrome dome
Polish the family jewels
Polish the knob
Polish the log
Polish the Oscar
Polish the pole
Polish the rocket
Polish the rock-hard staff of St. Peter
Polish the shooter
Polish the sword
Polish the Viper
Polish Vader's Helmet
Polish your antlers
Polish your bayonet
Polish your horn
Polish your piece
Polishing Charlie Brown
Polishing Percy
Polishing Percy in your palm
Polishing the banister
Polishing the bayonet
Polishing the beak
Polishing the chrome dome
Polishing the family jewels
Polishing the fire pole
Polishing the helmet
Polishing the hot rod
Polishing the knob
Polishing the Lighthouse
Polishing the pink Mustang
Polishing the Pope
Polishing the purple people pleaser
Polishing the rocket
Polishing the rocking horse
Polishing the rod
Polishing the sword
Polishing your bayonet
Polishing your helmet
Polishing your piece
Popping a nut
Popping the blister
Popping the bone
Popping the cork
Popping the porpoise
Popping the purple pimple
Popping the zit
Popping your top
Portuguese Pump
Pound off
Pound the bald-headed moose
Pound the bobo
Pound the pelican
Pound the pud
Pound the pudding
Pound your flounder
Pound your piss pump
Pound your pomegranate
Pounding off
Pounding the bald-headed moose
Pounding the pud
Pounding your flounder
Pounding your piss pump
Pouring off the potatoes
Power edging the lawn
Powersanding the Porch
Pow-wow with the one-eyed Redskin
Practice the Heimlich Maneuver
Practice your Kung-Fu Grip
Practicing a water landing
Practicing For Sweeps Week
Practicing for the big game
Praising God
Preparing the carrot
Prime the pump
Prime the womb cannon
Private arm exercise
Prod the peepee
Promoting carpal-tunnel syndrome
Pud wrestling
Puddin'
Pudwhacking
Puff the one-eyed dragon
Pull off
Pull one out
Pull rank
Pull the carrot
Pull the ducks neck
Pull the goalie
Pull the pope
Pull the pud
Pull the pudding
Pull the root
Pull your own leg
Pull your prick
Pull your taffy
Pull yourself off
Pullin' a few rounds
Pulling a solo session
Pulling on Peter
Pulling rank
Pulling the blue-veined custard chucker
Pulling the blue-veined junket pumper
Pulling the bologna pony
Pulling the carrot
Pulling the Colonel Sanders Heimleich Manuever
Pulling the cord
Pulling the goalie
Pulling the handbrake
Pulling the piss pump
Pulling the pope
Pulling the pork stick
Pulling the pud
Pulling the root
Pulling the rope
Pulling the single serving soup dispenser
Pulling the String on His AssPuppet
Pulling the taffy
Pulling the weed
Pulling the wire
Pulling your goalie
Pulling your love muscle
Pulling your own leg
Pulling your own weight
Pulling your plonker
Pulling your power cord
Pulling your wire
Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap
Pummel the love truncheon
Pummeling the priest
Pump the monkey
Pump the python
Pump the stump
Pump your pickle
Pumping cream
Pumping for pleasure
Pumping for power
Pumping gas at the self-service island
Pumping iron
Pumping the electric goo gun
Pumping the porpoise
Pumping the python
Pumping the soft soap dispenser
Pumping the stump
Punch the munchkin
Punchin' the clown
Punchin' the midget
Punchin' the Munchkin'
Punching the possum
Punching the stepson
Punching your puppet
Punching yourself in the crotch
Punish Percy in your palm
Punish the Harlequin
Punish the penguin
Punishing Percy
Punishing the Bishop
Punishing the Pope
Puttin' the tie on
Putting A Little Mayo On the Knuckle Sandwich
Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
Putting your best foot forward
Putting your foot down
Putting your thumb in the porridge
Qualifying in the testicular time trial
Raining on your parade
Raise the flag
Raising Stonehenge
Raising the flag pole
Raising the mainsail
Raising your sail
Rake your meat
Ram the ham
Rapid delivery
Rapid one arm pull-ups
Raping your hand
Ravage the innocent
Read 'em his rights
Reading poetry
Reenact Old Faithful
Releasing the hostages
Releasing the Olympic Doves
Releasing the Special Edition
Relieving tension
Relishing your hot dog
Reverse osmosis
Rewinding your tape
Ricky boxing
Ride the great white knuckler
Riding the five-legged pony
Riding the lightning
Ringing for the elevator
Ringing the bell
Rippin' the rocket
Rob the knob
Rocket piloting
Rockin' the rhubarb
Rockin' the rooster
Rolfing the piglet
Roll your own
Rollig the dice
Rolling it off the lot
Rolling the fleshy blunt
Rolling your own
Rolling your quarters
Roman helmet rhumba
Romancing the bone
Romeo and himself
Rootin' for the Yankees
Rope the goat
Rope the pony
Rope the Pope
Ropin' the long horn
Rough up the suspect
Roughing the passer
Rounding up the tadpoles
Rub off
Rub one out
Rub the pink eraser
Rub the tub
Rub the unicorn's horn
Rub your head
Rubbing Buddha's tummy
Rubbing off
Rubbing one out
Rubbing Peter to pay Paula
Rubbing the Buddha for good luck
Rubbing the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
Rubbing the pink eraser
Rubbing the rod
Rubbing the unicorn's horn
Ruminating and pondering
Run off a batch
Run off a batch by hand
Runka
Running in single-user mode
Running off a batch by hand
Running Peter through two-a-days
Running the cheeta
Running the whack-a-thon
Sacrificing sperm to the god of lonely nights
Safest sex
Sailing the mayonnaise seas
Sailors' joy
Salting your nuts in the shell
Salute the sailor
Saluting Der Fuhrer
Saluting the general
Sampling the secret sauce
Sand wood
Sanding the banister
Sanding the obelisk
Sanding wood
Saying a private prayer in the Church of the First Holy Monkey
Saying hello to Mr. Winkie
Scalpin' the injun
Schnauzer Shuffleboard
Schplitzing your schmeckel
Scouring the tower of power
Scraping the bottom of the barrel
Scraping your carrot
Scraping your horn
Scratching the cat pole
Scratching the itch
Scratching Yoda behind the ears
Screwing your courage to the sticking place
Screwing your girlfriend Handgella
Scromping the camper
Seamen reporting for duty on the skin boat
Seasoning your meat
Secret handshake
Seeding the carpet
Self abuse
Self catering
Self love
Self-induced penile regurgitation
Self-love
Semen Fire Drill
Sending a boy to the Academy
Sending out the troops
Sending yourself a hand-job-o-gram
Serving Up the Baby Gravy
Setting sail with Captain Thumb on the USS Hand
Sewing the seed
Sex with someone you really love
Sex with your best friend
Shag
Shag off
Shagging
Shake the weasel
Shakin' hands with little Elvis
Shakin' hands with Little Richard
Shakin' hands with MrHappy
Shakin' hands with MrWinkie
Shakin' hands with the unemployed
Shakin' hands with Yule Brenner
Shakin' the snot off your frog
Shakin' your fist at the ex-girlfriend
Shakin' your hands at the sky
Shakin' your own maracas
Shaking coconuts from the love tree
Shaking hands with Abe Lincoln
Shaking hands with Dr. Winky
Shaking hands with Jack McNasty
Shaking hands with Johnson
Shaking hands with Mr. Happy
Shaking Hands with Mr. President
Shaking hands with Shorty
Shaking hands with the boss
Shaking hands with the general
Shaking hands with the goblin of love
Shaking hands with the Governor
Shaking hands with the midget
Shaking hands with the one-eyed trouser trout
Shaking hands with the President
Shaking hands with the unemployed
Shaking hands with your John Thomas
Shaking hands with your wife's best friend
Shaking hands with Yul Brenner
Shaking the bottle
Shaking the coconut milk of love from the leafless palm trunk
Shaking the dice
Shaking the hand of the self-employed
Shaking the sauce
Shaking the sausage
Shaking the snake
Shaking the sugar tree
Shaking the tree
Shaking the white-out pen
Sharpening your pencil
Shavin' the carrot
Shellac the shillelagh
Shemp the hog
Shift gears
Shifting to fifth gear with the pork spear
Shine the barrel
Shine the helmet
Shine the hose
Shine your dolphin
Shine your pole
Shining My Bedknob
Shining the helmet
Shining the pork sword
Shining the shaft
Shining the shank
Shining your pole
Shlackin' the glacknoid
Shoe shine
Shoot for the moon
Shoot putty at the moon
Shoot your squirt
Shoot your wak
Shootin' your splouge
Shooting craps
Shooting Cupid's arrow
Shooting enemies
Shooting flies
Shooting for the moon
Shooting for the stars
Shooting practice
Shooting putty at the moon
Shooting Sherman
Shooting skeet (pull...shoot)
Shooting tadpoles at the moon
Shooting the bedroom gun
Shooting the pump action porridge gun
Shooting the shark
Shooting the sherbert
Shooting to score
Shooting without scoring
Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon
Shooting your wad
Shooting yourself in the foot
Shower spank
Shuck your corn
Shucking Bubba
Shucking the corn
Shuffle the deck
Sifting through the nest to find mama bird
Simple infanticide
Singing with Donny Osmond
Single dingles
Siphoning off the tank
Sizing things up
Skipping rope
Slakin' the bacon
Slaking the bacon
Slam the ham
Slam the hammer
Slam the salomi
Slam the Spam
Slammin' the salmon
Slamming the hammer
Slamming the spam
Slamming the sump-pump
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
Slap it
Slap my happy sacs
Slap pappy
Slap the carrot
Slap the clown
Slap the donkey
Slap the purple-headed yogurt pistol
Slap the salami
Slap your head
Slap-Boxing the One-Eyed Champ
Slappin' Pappy
Slappin' the Cap'n
Slappin' the purple-headed yogurt pistol
Slapping high fives with Yul Brynner
Slapping it
Slapping Johnny on the back
Slapping my happy sacks
Slapping the big-nosed Rasta man
Slapping the carrot
Slapping the clown
Slapping the Cyclops
Slapping the FleshGopher
Slapping the Jawa
Slapping the meat
Slapping the pud
Slapping the salami
Slapping the salomi
Slapping Uncle Willy
Slapping your chub
Slaying the beast
Slaying the dragon
Slaying the one-eyed monster
Sleeping
Slicking the stick
Slimmer
Sling some spooge
Slinging the jelly
Slog the log
Sloppy Joe's last stand
Sloppy sign language
Smack the salami
Smackin' Isaiah
Smacking Bob around
Smacking the monkey
Smacking the oompa loompa
Smacking the salami
Smacking the sausage
Smacking the snake
Smacking the weasel
Smacking the yak 'til it spits back
Smacking your sister
Smacking-off
Smite the dragon
Smiting the pink knight
Smoking the bratworst
Snap the carrot
Snap the monkey
Snap the radish
Snap the rubber
Snap the whip
Snappin' off a batch
Snapping one off
Snapping the carrot
Snapping the monkey
Snapping the radish
Snapping the rubber
Snapping the whip
Snapping your carrot
Snuggle the nozzle
Soiling My Sock
Soldier's toy
Solitary sin, The
Solo flight
Solo marathon
Solo sex
Solo spit
Solo spurting
Soup of the day
Soviet U-boat Commander Jackoff Ruboneoff
Spackling the Ceiling
Spam Wham
Spank Elvis
Spank the bishop
Spank the carrot
Spank the frank
Spank the hangdown
Spank the monkey
Spank the salami
Spank the tank
Spank your little boy
Spanking Cheetah
Spanking Elvis
Spanking the bishop
Spanking the frank
Spanking the monkey
Spanking the plank
Spanking the rooster
Spanking the salami
Spanking the wank
Spanking up a batch
Speaking into the microphone
Spear chucking
Spearing the Spartans
Spela fickpingis
Spela skinntrombon
Spending some quality time with yourself
Spending your Christmas bonus
Spermin' Herman the one-eyed German
Spewing your load
Spilling my children on my belly
Spinning the record
Spit one off
Spit the seeds
Spit-polishing the purple helmet
Spit-shine the purple helmet
Spit-shining the boots
Spitting up
Splashing one out
Spluging
Sprayin' the spectators
Spreading some super life
Spreading the mayo
Sprinklin' the lawn
Spunking
Spunking the Monk
Spurtin' Bert
Squashing the sea monkey
Squeeze the cheese
Squeeze the cream from the flesh twinkie
Squeeze the juice
Squeeze the lemon
Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube
Squeeze your cheese-dog
Squeezing the burrito
Squeezing the Charmin
squeezing the cream from the flesh Twinkie
Squeezing the Creamy Filter
Squeezing the glue
Squeezing the happy lumberjack
Squeezing the juice
Squeezing the lemon
Squeezing the snake with the turtleneck sweater
Squeezing the squid
Squeezing the tube of toothpaste
squeezing your cheese-dog
Squirt one off
Squirtin' Burton
squirting off your load in the school bathroom
Squishing the fish
Staff meeting
Stall clapping
Starting the day off right
Stewing in your own juices
Sticky McKnuckles One Man Jam
Stinky pinky
Stir the batter
Stir the yogurt
Stirring the soup
Stirring the yogurt
Stoking the fire
Straddle your paddle
Strain the main vein
Strainin' the main vein
Straining your cabbage
Strangle the dangle
Strangling Kojak
Strangling the hog
Strangling the one-eyed trouser snake
Strangling the Serpent
Stress relief for a personal appendage
Stretching the limo
Stretching the truth
Striking the pink match
Striking your match
Strip-mining with the spaghetti man
Stripping the bark off your wood
Stroke off
Stroke the carrot
Stroke the dog
Stroke the goat
Stroke the mole
Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
Stroke the purple-nosed gusset ferret
Stroke the satin-headed serpent
Stroke the stallion
Stroke the trumpet
Stroke 'til you spew
Stroke your ego
Stroke your poke
Stroke your poker
Stroke your Twinkie
Stroke your wookie
Strokem your scrotum
Strokin'
Strokin' the mule
Strokin' the sausage
Stroking it
Stroking off
Stroking Steven
Stroking the balony pony
Stroking the lizard
Stroking the mole
Stroking the one-eyed burping gecko
Stroking the salami
Stroking the satin-headed serpent
Stroking the schlong
Stroking the Scooby
Stroking the snake
Stroking the squirmin' German
Stroking the stallion
Stroking the wiener
Stroking your goat
Stroking your poker
Stroking your pud
Stroking your twinkie
Stromming the Thurmond
Strummin' my six inch
Strumming the one-string harp
Stuck in left field
Studying for a math test
Studying Talmudic Law
Submitted by Jake W.
Sucker-punching the blind webster
Suffocate the organ
Sump-Pumping the Dry Well
Surfing on the Milky Highway
Swickin' it
Swinging the jump rope
Swinging the light saber
Swinging the royal red reproduction rod
Synchronizing with his PalmPilot
Tadpole rodeo, The
Taffy pulling contest
Taffy tugger
Tagging off
Tajja
Take a beating
Take a load off your mind
Take a ride on the mean spanking machine
Take little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction
Take matters into your own hands
Take ol' stiff neck to the movies
Take part in population control
Take the fifth
Take the monster for a one-armed ride
Take yourself in hand
Takin' the bunt sign
Taking a client up to the Yajima Factory
Taking a core sample
Taking a few practice shots
Taking a five minute vacation south of the border
Taking a load off
Taking a nap
Taking a shake break
Taking a wrist shot on the five-hole
Taking advantage of yourself
Taking Captain Picard to Warp-Speed
Taking care of business
Taking control of yourself
Taking Herman to the circus
Taking little Elvis to Graceland
Taking Little Johnny dancing down at Knuckle Junction
Taking matters into your own hands
Taking ol' one eye through the fly
Taking ol' one eye to the Knuckle Shuffle
Taking part in population control
Taking some time off
Taking the dog for a walk
Taking the Jocelyn Elders Midterm
Taking the monster for a one-armed ride
Taking the sperm whale for a walk
Taking your turn at the self-serve pump
Talking quietly to yourself
Talking turkey
Tame the bald headed mouse
Tame the monster
Tame the shrew
Tame the wild hog
Taming of the shrew, The
Taming the shrew
Taming the wild hog
Tamping the Musket
Tamping your tater
Tapping the turkey
Target practice
Target practice with the yogurt gun
Target practicing with white ammo
Taunting the one-eyed weasel
Teach your dog to spit
Teach Yule Brenner some respect
Teaching a one-eyed Chinaman how to dance
Teaching him a lesson
Teaching the Cyclops the lambada
Teaching your kids to swim
Tease the python
Tease the weenie
Teasing the purple-headed custard chucker
Teasing the python
Teasing the Viking
Teasing the weasel
Teasing the weenie
Teeing off
Tenderize the meat
Tenderizing the tube steak
Tenderizing your meat
Tending to your own affairs
Test the flashlight
Test your batteries
Test-fire the Death Star
Test-firing the meat missle
Testicular tensile strength test
Testing my throat pic
Testing the hand cream dispenser
Testing the smoke alarm
Testing the testicles
Testing your batteries
Tethering the blimp
That crazy hand jive
The art of Unisex
The Colonel Sanders Heimleich Maneuver
The erky jerk
The five digit disco
The five-finger hustle with Russel the one-eyed love muscle
The Five-Knuckle Shuffle
The five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pipe
The serta solo
The sticky page rhumba
The tube of cream
Thrapping
Thrash your thing
Thrashing the weasel
Threading a needle
Throbbing the knob
Thropping your marrow
Throttle the bottle
Throw off a catch
Throw out
Throw the ball around
Throwin' down
Throwing
Throwing a shower
Throwing off a batch
Throwing the hamster against the wall
Throwing up mayo
Throwing your hand on the bed and raping it
Thump the pump
Thump your thong
Thumping the pump
Thumping your pud
Thwackin' the sack
Tickle the Elmo
Tickle the ivory
Tickle the pickle
Tickle the taco
Tickle your pickle
Ticklewigglejigglepickle
Tickling my fancy
Tickling the dragon's tail
Tickling the ivory
Tickling the one-eyed weasel
Tickling the pickle
Tickling the Polish salmon
Tickling your Elmo
Tinkering with the R2 unit
Todd your wad
Toasting My Marshmallow
Tocar con mi pinga
Toilet sailing
Tonking
Torkin' the fork
Torment the Trouser Trout
Torqueing the turtle
Torquing the wrench
Torturing the tentacle
Toss off
Toss the boss
Toss the midget
Toss the snag
Toss the turkey
Toss the turkey
Toss yogurt
Tossing off
Tossing the boss
Tossing the ham javelin
Tossing the salad
Tossing the sauce
Tossing the snag
Tossing the spam javelin
Tossing the turkey
Tossing the white ball
Tossing yogurt
Touching the penis
Touching Up the Ceramic
Train the Love Porpoise
Treating yourself right
Trim your antlers
Trim your horn
Trolling for the one-eyed walleye
Trolling for trouser trout
Trouser snake CPR
Trouser trout dancing lesson
Trying to pull something off
Tube sock tango
Tug on the doug
Tug of war with Cyclops
Tug the slug
Tuggin' the timber
Tugging Mount Love
Tugging old beater
Tugging the rope
Tugging the slug
Tugging the tapioca tube
Tugging the tossle
Tugging the tubesteak
Tugging the turkey
Tugging your tubesteak
Tuning my horn
Tuning the antenna
Tuning the fork
Tuning your organ
Turn the knob
Turning Japanese (UK - one step beyond wanking)
Turning on your fire hose
Tussle with your muscle
Tussling the Muscle
Twanging the wire
Tweak your twiddle
Tweaking your twinkie
Tweek
Twirl the squirrel
Twist your crank
Twist your turnip
Twistin' the Piston
Twisting your crank
Twisting your tool
Typing with one hand
Umroj
Uncorking the bottle
Uncorking the champagne
Underarm javelin in the meat olympics
Unleash the fury
Unleashing the alabaster yak
Unloading passengers from the five-car train
Unloading the gun
Unpacking the moving van
Unsheathing the meatsaber
Unsheathing the pork sword
unwrapping the pepperoni
Using the force on your meat saber
Using the ol' 1 wood
Vaccinate the baby
Varnish the flagpole
Varnishing the banister
Varnishing the cane
Varnishing the flagpole
Vibrating the viper and making him spit poison
Violating the hedge-hog
Virtual sex
Visiting Old Faithful
Visiting Rosy Palm and her five daughters
Visiting the five-fingered widow
Visiting with Papa Smurf
Voting For Perot
Wack the weasel
Wacking a lap
Wacking off
Wacking the one-eyed worm
Wacking the paddle
Wacking the weasel
Wacking the weiner
Wacking the willie
Wagging the dog
Wailing
Wake the dead
Wakey wakey hands off snakey
Waking the dead
Waking up your bro
Waking Wee Willie Winkle
Walk the dog
Walk the plank
Walking a mile in Mr. Wiggly's shoes
Walking old one-eye
Walking the snake
Walking Willie the one-eyed wonder worm
Wallowing in self pity
Wang whacking
Wank
Wank the crank
Wank the Willy Wonka
Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Wanking
Wanking off
Wanking one-eyed Willy
Wanking the crank
Wanking the one-eyed wonder worm
Wanking the scube
Wanking with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Wank-o-rama
Warming up the altar boy's dinner
Wash the meat
Washing the elephant's trunk
Washing the goose's neck
Washing the hog
Washing the meat
Washing the wolverine
Wasting babies
Wasting your wad
Watching the geyser
Wave the wand
Waving the Magic Wand
Wax the board
Wax the Buick
Wax the candle stick
Wax the carrot
Wax the dolphin
Wax the musket
Wax the womb broom
Wax your Jackson
Wax your surfboard
Wax your weasel
Wax your Willy
Waxin' n' Milkin'
Waxing pedro
Waxing the beanpole
Waxing the car
Waxing the flipper
Waxing the old goal post
Waxing the rocket
Waxing your Jackson
Waxing your surfboard
Whack it
Whack little Mac
Whack off
Whack on your back
Whack the pud
Whack the weasel
Whack your Magic Johnson
Whack your tack
Whackin' the weasel
Whacking it
Whacking off
Whacking the axe
Whacking the weed
Whacking your tack
Whapping your wang
Whip off
Whip the dummy
Whip the one-eyed trouser snake
Whip the one-eyed worm
Whip the rat
Whip the stiff
Whip the wire
Whip up some sour cream
Whip your dripper
Whippin' the mule
Whippin' the whopper
Whipping Dripping
Whipping off
Whipping skippy
Whipping the balls
Whipping the bishop
Whipping the dummy
Whipping the one-eyed trouser snake
Whipping the one-eyed wonder weasel
Whipping the pony
Whipping the rat
Whipping the stiff
Whipping the walrus
Whipping the window washer
Whipping the wire
Whipping up a batch
Whipping up some sour cream
Whipping Up Some Waffle Batter
Whipping Willy the one-eyed wonder-worm
Whipping your dripper
Whipping your Skippy
Whipping your Willy
White water wristing
Whitewashing
Whitewashing with Huck and Tom
White-water wristing
Whittle the stick
Whittling Dixie
Whizzin' jism
Whizzin' Jizz
Whizzin' Jizzum
Wiggling your walrus
Wiggling your worm
Willy spitting
Willy tickle
Willy wanking
Winding my watch
Winding the Jack in the Box
Winding the Wurlitzer
Windsurf on Mount Baldy
Wing it
Wonk your conker
Wonking your donk
Work off
Work one out
Work things out
Workin' out a stiff joint
Workin' the Jerkin
Working a cramp out of your muscle
Working at your own speed
Working late at the office
Working overtime at the meat factory
Working up a batch
Working up a foamy lather
Working without Annette
Working your Willy
Wrapping my hand around my cock and blowing a load all over my mother
Wrestle the bald-headed champion
Wrestle the dragon
Wrestle the eel
Wrestle with Cyclops
Wrestling Jimmy
Wrestling the alligator
Wrestling the bald-headed champ
Wrestling the bald-headed sumo
Wrestling the eel
Wrestling the gator
Wrestling the one-eyed monster
Wrestling the purple-headed warrior
Wrestling with Jimmy
Wrestling with the bald champ
Wrestling with the one-eyed superhero
Wrestling Yul Brenner
Wring your thing
Wringin' out the tube steak
Wringin' the towel
Wringing out your rope
Wringing 'round the rosie
Wrist aerobics
Yahtzee
Yang your wang
Yank my doodle dandy
Yank off
Yank the plank
Yank the shank
Yank the yam
Yank the yodel
Yank the yo-yo
Yank your crank
Yank your plank
Yank your strap
Yank your wank
Yank your yam
Yankee your Wankee
Yankin' it
Yankin' your chain
Yankin' your Franklin
Yanking off
Yanking the crank
Yanking the doodle
Yanking the yoyo
Yanking your chain
Yanking your crank
Yanking your plank
Yanking your Yoda
Yogurt slinging
Yoinkin' off
Yuckin' your choad
Zipper Olympics
Zoot Flute Riot
Zygote spraying

HEY READER I AM OVER HERE. I told you you will go blind.

40 random things about me

2005-12-10T20:32:00.000-06:00

Body:
1. Do you like chinese food?
most I like (nothing too spicy)

2. How big is your bed?
twin

3. Is your room clean?
oh HELL no

4. Laptop or Desktop computer?
Desktop

5. Favorite comedian?
Bill Hicks, Eddie Izzard, Ron White

6. Do you smoke?
I dont smoke ciggarettes if I can help it. (usually cigars if anything)

7. Sleep with or without clothes on?
without

8. Who sleeps with you every night?
noone as far as I know

9. Do long distance relationships work?
it takes a lot

10. How many times have you been pulled over?
2 times for speeding while driving, 1 while riding

11. Pancakes or French Toast?
Cereal

12. Do you like coffee?
nope I drink pop for caffiene.

13. How do you like your eggs?
hard

14. Do you believe in astrology?
no not really but curiosity

16. Last person on your missed call list?
dont have a cell phone

17. What was the last text message you received?
now you are just mocking me

18. Enough cell phone questions?
bite me survey

19. Number of pillows?
4

20. What are you wearing right now?
Brownville Village Theatre hoddie, Shorts and a thong(all black)

21. Pick a lyric, any lyric or song:
Voodoo Child by Hendrix

22. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
peach

23. Can you play pool?
not really

24. Do you know how to swim?
I can keep aloat but probably coulnd't save someone

26. Can you read maps well?
not if I am driving

27. Tell me a random fact about yourself:
my falsetto is attributed to my third testicle

28. Ever play spin the bottle?
nope

29. Ever attend a theme party?
halloween party, went as an ommpa loompa and a comic book hero went as as the Hulk

30. Favorite season??
autum

31. Favorite quote?
I have a diddling hole. Who wants to diddle my hole? -Myself at BVT summer 2005

33. Last time you laughed at something stupid?
right now

34. What time did you wake up this morning?
beats the shit out of me

35. Best thing about winter?
that beautiful feeling of frostbite you get when your car doesnt start at 6:30 in the morning

36. Random article of clothing?
plad koolats

37. What do you find most attractive about the opposite sex?
not sure on that question

38. Name of your first pet?
Bridegette - cockapoo

39. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated?
I have pirates are cool but ninjas are cooler

40. What are you doing this weekend?
sleeping to make up for the six weeks of sleep deprevation.

2005-11-21T00:42:00.000-06:00

Well Ladies and gentlemen. It has been a while. But here we go again.

I know I have told several people this. As I left you great blog readers I was hopefully waiting on getting casted for the Mousetrap. Well I got a call on Thursday saying I got a role, but I needed to call him. I did call, but got his answering machine. Still freaking out that he thought he might recast, I called him at lunch on Friday. I almost missed him by 5 minutes. The key word there is ALMOST. Transcript of the rest of the call as follows:

Director(D):Well Eric I would like you to be part of the cats of the mouse trap.
Eric(E): Okay
D: I think you will have fun as this role
E: Okay
D: I think I want you as the ever Wacky funny, Christopher Wren.
E: (caught off guard)really... Okay
D: He is a great part like he changes his tie every time he comes on stage.
E: (patronizing)cool
D: Rehearsals wont start till the 2nd or third week of December. It will be longer than the normal 6 week schedule because we are going to probably lose a week because of Christmas.
E: That makes sense
D: We will be mailing something to you with information.
E: Cool
D: Can't wait to work with you.
E: Thank you.
D: Bye
E: Bye

So that is where I am now with that. I will warn you in advance that This play will more than likely be the center of my life as far as events go. So if you don't care Wait till after the 12 of February. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

2005-11-14T16:12:00.000-06:00

Well my Foray into Community Theatre Acting, was a roller coaster. First off I thought I had an audition in Bellevue on Sunday, @ 7:30 PM. I was wrong. I had had an audition in Bellevue on Sunday, @ 7:00 PM. I realize that at 5:30 PM, so I was in a bit of a frantic scramble. I figured I needed a head shot, and a resume. BOTH OF THESE WERE WRONG. I got out at 6:35 and mapqwest says that it is 28 minutes to get there. I figured I would get there as he is explaining things to everybody. I THEN proceeded to take the wrong turn on Hwy 370. Allow me to stand on my soap box:

mapqwest a very good service for people who have my sense of direction(which is none) However if I get lost 9 times out of 10 it is because I don't which way to turn after taking an off-ramp. That is bull shit because more than likely the person hasn't committed the directions to memory so they are trying to read while driving and I know that s not good. But GOD DAMN IT TELL ME WHICH WAY TO TURN. Also one last thing, the first step they don't give you a left or right but they give you a direction like North. I am glad that they tell you which street you need to see. There I am done and moving on.

So Because of said ranting I ended up being not just a couple of minutes late I was 15 MINUTES LATE. But the director seemed nice I had to fill out a form which proved that I didn't need a resume. I arrived as he was pairing up people. There were 8 people and guess who was the odd man out. SO while I am filling out the form others are reading. I found it funny, because I knew the scene as soon as they started reading it, so I laugh at how they are reading it. Lets put it this way British phrases in Southern drawl is funny.

My first scene was the scene where Metcalf enters as Trotter is looking for his skis. It goes all the way till everyone exits. I had to read not for Major Metcalf, the part I was casted for, but for Trotter. So I had a nice long Monologue essentially. I felt good about it.

Second scene was Giles and Mollie after she enters in. So I have to seem like I was in love. It wasn't hard as the woman I was reading with was very attractive and was also very nice. I didn't feel as good about this one but like I said I don't fell like I could be a lover or husband that will show affection.

All in all I will know by Friday (11/18) I don't know if they will call even if I didn't get a role either way I am hoping on hope.

Okay, this one is for the people.

2005-11-05T09:09:00.000-06:00

Well this is the longest I have been at a computer for a long time. So The updates didn't come frequently. But now I will truly keep things up to date.

10/29 I had to go to Fremont Holiday Inn for a 8 HOUR Class to remove a ticket. The class started at 8 AM and went on till 5 PM. My teacher was a State Trooper with some separation issues. He actually said "in here I am only a teacher... Out there I will be a cop... Everything you ask me in here will not go out there". It was quite refreshing. He actually explained to use the former quota system they had. He actually wants to have it back. Unfortunately for this man that this was the first day he was teaching with the new materials that he had. He did however know every question that the test had so he knew what he needed to teach. The funny thing was as soon as he taught us something he would state "But I doubt that will work in a city like OMAHA". The hotel shared a parking lot with a Taco Bell. And I think it got a little but of "the rumbles" (best term I can think of). During the Hour we had for Lunch, I noticed we had a small army watching the NU/OK football game. Kind of sad that there was something people were mad at that this class was during the game. All in all, I got a certificate and now the ticket I got for speeding never happened. I now have to go at least three years with out a ticket before I can do this again.

10/31 Script analysis class sucked. We were reading Othello for the day and I was kind of pissed some what because in the class there is a woman who like to answer every question first and I guess be the only question because every answer she has takes over 5 minutes. And we found out from the class before that she LOVES Shakespeare and has done many reports on his life. (I am thinking SO HAVE I AND I DON'T CARE.) Well saints preserve us! she was sick for the day. So I thought okay I am going to be able to answer or comment on at least one topic. WELL THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. It isn't so bad if our teacher is a teacher that asks a question to every one after the discussion has occurred. SO what ends up happening is me saying "I agree with what ____ said" and probably repeating a point. Which isn't so bad if other people answer that because they haven't read the script.

And excuse me whilst I stand on my soap box: we are on a script analysis class and we spent one day on Shakespeare and one day on Othello specifically. WE spent two weeks(4 classes) on The Graduate. DOES ANYONE SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS. In my opinion the class was made for Shakespeare and I know that there are classes that are devoted for this. But I think that we should have more time trying to ANALYZE this SCRIPT. Than to spend two weeks covering a play that mostly everyone had seen the MOVIE FOR IT. (I know that there is a movie of Othello but it basically the script).
I now have to read the sound of music WHICH WILL SUCK. SHITTY MOVIE, SHITTY MUSICAL, SHITTY SCRIPT. I AM NOW MOVING ON.

11/2 Psychology class. I finally officially dropped my drawing class. I haven't gone since about half way through the quarter. It was more of a time issue thing. I just had to quit doing stuff because of this class. I also Registered for classes for the winter: I am taking two courses, human relations and a music appreciation, online while taking a lighting class at the playhouse. I figured with the fact that I am taking online courses, I will probably audition for more shows. I was almost thinking about auditioning for a production of The Mousetrap in Bellevue. But I know I am going to audition for The Underpants at the playhouse. Why not. I figured my collegiate acting started with Steve Martin, why not let my Omaha acting start with Steve Martin. I know someone out there is thinking that "hey how do you know you are going to get a part?" WELL I DON'T, but I need the confidence and it will come through.

11/3 THE ASS HAIR IS GONE. I made a bet with a friend on the NU Missouri Game. I won(A Nebraska resident thinking the Huskers would get beat. YES and deal with it, you red painted freak.)So as a punishment he had to shave my ass. Now he thought of this thinking I wouldn't go through with it. (apparently he didn't know me well enough). I did however take pity on the person and the witness who had to be a part of this. I went to the store ant bought a thong. But don't worry my story gets worse. I lost a bet to my friend he bet that the White sox would sweep the series. I figured they would win but it would take five games. Well it didn't. So as a punishment of HIS choosing I had to take a photo of me in said thong and I have to use it as a Display picture in all of my services(so coming soon to MSN(both msnspace and messenger) MYSPACE BLOGGER AND LIVEJOURNAL) for at least a week. In advance I apologize.

11/4 I am now actually trying to get used to thongs now because I might need to wear a thong and dance in them. Once you get back the initial sting of the cotton going up your ass it really isn't so bad, but then you sit down and the sting comes back. All in all you forget you are wearing one. I may actually start wearing them regularly. So ladies, that is something to look forward to next summer.

Really not enough time for this but who cares?

2005-10-21T22:27:00.000-05:00

Well I just want everyone to know that the DDR geek has reclaimed his DDR...geek..dom. Anyway, I bought DDR Extreme 2 and maybe just as a favor I might put a review about it here sometime in the future. I also Just went to Block buster and I just rented Tony Hawk's American Wasteland (THAW). I will probably throw in a review of this one for good measure. My life really hasn't been that eventful. Not too much bad not too much good. I was sick and had to miss classes, so I am kind of in catch up mode but other than that not bad. As always GOOD NIGHT AND BUDDHA BLESSINGS.

2005-10-19T19:30:00.000-05:00

I have a gift for everyone. I am a fan of the Bob & Tom Radio Show. I found the Sow on a Station in Brownville. Luckily I found a new station in Omaha from 5-10AM it is on 93.3 FM. But at the most I got it for an hour. But I found a little silver lining in that situation, I sign on into the VIP area of the website. This site includes Audio from the Show, and you can even listen to the entire show with out commercials on your computer whenever you want to. I am paying $6.95 a month for it, but as a gift to you my reading public I am alowing you to witness the wit, the humor, and the outright mediocray that is BOB AND TOM.

Username: SIR_CHUBBY@MSN.COM
Password: 65US5D

Good Night and Buddha Blessings

2005-10-16T23:52:00.000-05:00

Time you started:12:03
Birthdate: 07/13/1984
Age: 21
School: Metropolitan Community College
Grade: Tough to tell (1 more year)
Eye Color: blue
Hair Color: none
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 296 lbs.
Religion: none official but maintain Buddhist principals
Nationality: American
Sex: Male
What town were you born in?: Omaha, NE
What town do you live in now?: Omaha, NE
Best friend(s): too many to mention in this question
Close friends: even more than above
Most trustworthy: Probably Kate H
Nicest: Kate B
Craziest: Joey Harris (but is only because I am not eligible)
Best smile: I think every smile is pretty but mine.
Best eyes: Heather
Who have U known the longest?: Joey, most friends I met because of him or were from College.
Which of your friends do you talk on the phone with?: No doubt on that one Kate H
Who do you talk on the phone with the most?: That the same question isn't it?
Do u have a girlfriend?: not any more

favorites:
Color: black, like my Heart
Food: Ghetto spaghetti (unflavored Raman noodles with Sauce)
Music Genre: I will listen to anything but I like Dance Hall.
Solo Artist: Eminem
Number: 69 or 88 or 00
Movie: Monty Python Series
Actor: Jamie Foxx
Letter: q it isn't used enough
State: Colorado
Country: Germany
Time of day: night
Day of week: Saturday (up late and still can stay up late too)
Month of the year: July
Season: Fall
Shape: hexagon
Ice Cream: Cookie dough (cookies and cream close second)
Reality Show: don't watch it
Show: Monty Python, Benny Hill
Celebrity: Kanye West, arrogant but talented
This or That: This
Milk/Water: Milk
Chocolate/Vanilla: vanilla
Rap/RnB: Rap
Punk Rock/Emo: Runk
Jessica/Ashlee: I would rather do OJ
Day/Night: night
Pink/Baby-blue: Baby-blue
Red/Blue: Blue
AIM/MSN: Msn
Home/School: Home
Batman/Superman: Batman

Have You Ever:
Drank Alcohol?: yep
Gotten drunk?: OH HELL YEAH
Smoked a Cigarette?: only when I am nervous. Usually it is a cigar.
Gotten High: yep
Dyed your Hair: nope (most times I don't have it to dye
Had sex: nope
Given Head: nope
Given a handjob: not technically
Fingered anybody: nope
Eaten somebody out: yep
Touched the opposite sex body part?: yep
Thought about suicide?: been in the tub with a gun
Hated yourself?: yep
Liked someone older than you: by a month
Liked someone younger than you: by a year
Had surgery: on my knees
Danced in public: at weddings
Sang in public: at weddings
Worn a dress: does a kilt count
Worn a suit: yep
Gotten in a physical fight: yep ut only if I cant out Crazy my way out of it
Made somebody cry: yep but it was at a wake for a friend so I think that I was helped
Said you loved someone and meant it?: I always try to
Said you hated somebody and meant it?: only on rare occasions
Talked to stuffed animals: used to
Talked to yourself: ALL THE FREAKING TIME
Driven a Car: yes
Gotten in a car accident: yes
Been in the hospital: yes

Last 24 hours:
Have you cried?: no
Eaten: yes
Showered: yes
Hung out with friends: nope (most are in another county)
Listened to music: yep
Done something you haven't done in awhile: does laundry count?
Made someone cry: not that I noticed
Hurt somebody physically: nope
Hurt somebody emotionally: not that I noticed
Driven: yes
Talked to your best friend: nope
Time Finished: 12:21 (with stops to change songs on bob and tom)

21%

2005-10-15T21:59:00.000-05:00

This is a little survey like thing This is similar to an I never type game comment with a percentage of things that you DIDNT DO. (For example: if you did one thing you would post 99%)

Smoked.
Drank alcohol.
Cried when someone died.
Been drunk.
Had sex.
Been to a concert.
Given a handjob/gotten a handjob.
Given a blowjob/gotten a blowjob.
Been verbally sexually harassed.
Verbally sexually harassed somebody.
Felt someone up and/or been felt up.
Laughed so hard something came out of your nose.
Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before.
Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Been to prom.
Cried at school.
Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store.
Went streaking.
Given a lap dance.
Had someone of the opposite sex in your room.
Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over.
Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house.
Kissed a stranger.
Hugged a stranger.
Went scuba diving
Driven a car.
Gotten an xray.
Hit by a car.
Had a party.
Done drugs.
strip poker
Got paid to strip for someone.
Ran away from home.
Broken a bone.
Eaten sushi.
Bought porn.
Watched porn.
Made porn.
Had a crush on someone of the same sex.
Been in love.
Frenched kissed.
Laughed so hard you cried.
Cried yourself to sleep.
Laughed yourself to sleep.
Stabbed yourself.
Shot a gun.
Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day.
Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours.
Been online for 9 consecutive hours.
Watched an animal die.
Watched a person die.
Had sex and/or messed around somewhere with atleast 1 person present.
Pranked somebody.
Put somebody in the hospital.
Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out.
Kissed somebody of the same sex.
Dressed punk.
Dressed goth.
Dressed preppy.
Been to a motocross race.
Avoided somebody.
Been stalked.
Stalked someone.
Met a celebrity.
Played an instrument.
Ridden a horse.
Cut yourself.
Bungee jumped.
Ding dong ditched somebody.
Been to a wild party.
Got caught stealing something.
Kicked a guy in the balls.
Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend.
Went out with your friend's crush.
Got arrested.
Been pregnant.
Babysat.
Been to another country.
Started your house on fire.
Had an encounter with a ghost.
Donated your hair to cancer patients.
Been asked out by someone that you never though you'd to be asked out by.
Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months.
Sat on your ass all day.
Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself.
Had a job.
Gotten cut from a sports team.
Been called a whore.
Danced like a whore.
Been mistaken for a celebrity.
Been in a car accident.
Been told you have beautiful eyes.
Been told you have beautiful hair.
Raped somebody.
Danced in the rain.
Been rejected.
Walked out of a restaurant without paying.
Punched someone/slapped someone in the face

The Origin of Buddhabubba

2005-10-12T15:47:00.000-05:00

I have had a couple of people ask me what the hell is with the name. YES it is true most of the time when I am asked for a username I supply with Buddha and if Buddha is taken, I use Buddhabubba.

The name comes from a combination of 2 nicknames. BUDDHA comes from my Bald (90%of the time) head and my fat stomach. Also I like to think it is my Buddhist like attitude toward life. I also made this my Halo Nickname, which for many is how they know me.
BUBBA is a reference to my southern Heritage. And frankly I like to use the name Bocephus Jenkins for that but lets face it Buddhabocephus wouldn't work well.

The weird thing is I set this up and I heard a bit from Bill hicks and he talks about Waco, TX and he brings up the that David Caresh was Southern and it was like someone going "I'm Buddha." and every else goes "Your Bubba". HE replies, "Well I am Buddha now." and he would continue "I am Buddhabubba"

2005-10-12T15:37:00.000-05:00

I was stumbling across blogs of people I knew, by the way, it is kinda cool seeing how people that were BVT were before during and After. Just FYI.

So Yeah I was stumbling along things and I found something that is pretty Cool.

My Photo Album

You can see mine at http://buddhabubba.myphotoalbum.com/

I will no doubt be loving this and adding to it pretty frequently. so if you are looking for some pics that you may or may not have. com on over.

Survey

2005-10-10T16:26:00.000-05:00

1. What is your occupation?I am a Temporary Employee at a place that makes Beauty Products.

2. What color is your underwear?usually White

3. What are you listening to right now?Kanye West/BVT THE MUSICAL on Shuffle

4. What was the last thing you ate?Donut

5. Do you wish on stars?nope

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?Silver

7. How is the weather right now?the kid of weather that people who like fall like

8. Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone?I guess vicariously Kate B

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you?(Stina) YEP

10. How old are you today?21

11. What is your favorite drink?Alcoholic: Cold Jack Danels(sp) Non-Alcoholic: Diet Pepsi

12. Favorite sport to watch?Football

13. Have you ever dyed your hair?yep once

14. Do you wear contacts or glasses?used to wear glasses, but now I dont need to.

15. Pets?Dog (Myrtle) and a beta fish(#123456789)

17. Favorite food?Ghetto Speghetti (unflavored Ramen Noddles with Tomato Sauce)

18. What was the last movie you watched?In theatre: Batman Begins Out of Theatre: A Streetcar Named Desire for Script Analysis class

19. Favorite day of the year?don't have a date, per se

20. What do you do to vent anger?Scream and bang something with a heavy object, or listen to music

22. Fall or Spring?Fall

23. Hugs or kisses?Hugs. Kisses seem disgusting

24. Cherry or Blueberry?Cherry

25. Do you want your friends to email you back?well I am not emailing this but Yeah I wouldnt care if I saw this on other blogs.

26. Who is most likely to respond?Who knows who boredom will hit first?

27. Who is least likely to respond?Who knows who bordeom will never hit?

28. Who do you live with?My parents and sister

30. What is on the floor of your closet? THE SPANISHG ARMADA, seriously I dont know.

31. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
Well I think that would be Joey from High school everyone else I met because of Joey or is from College or later.

32. What did you do last night? Went to Wayne saw Quills then drove home AND GOT A GOD DAMN SPEEDING TICKET. Slept

33. Favorite smell? dont have one I know what I don't like though.

34. What inspires you? CAFFINE

35. What are you afraid of? Dieing without leaving a mark on someone

36. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese

37. Favorite car? Only had one car My Geo Metro LSI

38. Favorite dog breed? dont have one

39. Number of keys on your key ring? 2 but a ass load of extra things (bakers card, blockbuster things etc.

40. How many years at your current job? 1 month

41. Favorite day of the week? Saturday (get up late and stay up late)

42. How many states have you lived in? 2 (NE & MO)

43. How many cities have you lived in/name them?Omaha, Sarcoxie

2005-10-06T21:50:00.000-05:00

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

2005-10-02T21:06:00.000-05:00

HI larious photos of Ditka giving the finger	Sorry Joey Pt.3

Ah Fuhror Memories	Try not to laugh at this

Riddle me this...

2005-09-19T21:44:00.000-05:00

Riddle me this, Riddle me that... Why are all the people in the US Fat?

OH I HAVE A SUGGESTION:

This, my friends, is a Triple Whopper. It has THREE patties of meat. and all the greasy toppings of a regular Whopper. I ordered this monstrosity at Burger King and I ordered it in a combo Meal. KING SIZED OF COURSE. And on top of all that I ordered an additional Double Whopper.

I went home and opened the bag and noticed that I did get my order messed up. However, I got not one, but two TRIPLE WHOPPERS. Now a sane man would say to himself, "hey there is no way you are going to finish that. You need to give one of those to a friend or to save one later when you are going to be hungry." But ladies and gentlemen, That is why you need to call me fat and you call me fat with respect DAMN IT!!

I ate everything in one sitting. And felt like a bear that was hit with a tranquilizer dart. Have I exercised today? NOPE. Do I plan to? NOPE.

People were suing fast food for why they are fat. Ladies and gentlemen that I am pleased to call my readers, these people cannot function in our society. I am a person who is fat and KNOWS WHY HE IS FAT. I AM 296 POUNDS, AND IT ISN'T A SECRET HOW IT CAME.

Total damage of Food for dinner:
2 TRIPLE WHOPPERS
1 KING SIZED FRIES
1 KING SIZED DIET COKE
NO EXERCISE WHAT SO EVER

IF THIS ISNT CREEPY

2005-09-14T16:37:00.000-05:00

Your Musical Tastes Match: Weird Al

See his whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

Your Daddy Is George Clinton

What You Call Him: Pops

Why You Love Him: He takes you to church

Who's Your Daddy?

Ruth Esther Randel Smith (1908-2005)

2005-09-07T22:52:00.000-05:00

Ruth Esther Randel Smith, 97, of Auburn, died Tuesday (9/6/05).

Survivors: daughter, Marilyn Jo Gruber, Farragut, Iowa; sons, Harold "Hal" Jr., Philadelphia, James Randel, Brownville, Gregg Alan, Hastings; 11 grandchildren; seven great-grandchildren.

Services: 11 a.m. Friday, United Methodist Church, Auburn. Bedford Cemetery. Visitation: 9 a.m.-9 p.m. today, Thursday, Hall Funeral Chapel, Auburn.

Published in the Lincoln Journal Star on 9/7/2005.

We now and forever have lost a great person. For those of you who didn't know Ruth. For the past three years I went to BVT. And every year I met this incredible woman. Ruth has spent 36 years With BVT. She still to now what is her dyeing day attended Shows and brought flowers. She will no doubt be held in a special place in my heart and the hearts of over 200 people who were company members.

There will be one more angel in heaven and she will be missed on earth.

R.I.P Ruth Smith, and enjoy the show, you will have the best seat in the House.

In a Past Life...

2005-09-02T23:52:00.000-05:00

In a Past Life...

You Were: An Insane Dancer.

Where You Lived: Turkey.

How You Died: Dysentery.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Too Offensive for Google

2005-09-01T18:55:00.000-05:00

So any way I tried to get Google addsense on this blog, but was turned down for being too offensive in compliance with their guidelines and rules. Well any way I got another site that I hopefully might get approved for because I would like to have a second source of what I like to call "fun cash".

I thought it was funny

2005-08-29T00:51:00.000-05:00

My first Play at WSC was Picasso at the Lapin Agile and I stumbled across this monologue that wasnt in the script that we had This is something that my Character Gaston would have said. I cant really read it to you but hopefully if you remember me imagine my voice.

Gaston, the bar’s resident dirty old man, asks Picasso about his process.

Gaston: Well, you're a painter; you're always having to come up with ideas. What's it like? I mean, the only idea I ever came up with was when I had to paint my shutters. I had to figure out a color. And I thought about it for a long time. Should they be a light color or a dark color? For a while, forest blue seemed nice; then, I realized there was no such thing as forest blue. I tried to flip a coin but lost it on the roof. I started thinking, "What are shutters anyway, and what would their natural color be?" Then I realized that shutters don't occur in nature, so they don't have a natural color. Suddenly, I knew I was just moments away from a decision, just moments, finally. Then this gorgeous thing walks by, with ruby lips and a derriere the shape of a valentine. I swiveled my head around and snapped a tendon. That put the decision off for three days. Then I thought, "Maybe just take off the shutters"; I started to think about moving to a land where there are no shutters and, frankly, suicide. But then one day, I said to myself, "Green," and that was it. (He exits to the bathroom.)

2005-08-25T20:22:00.000-05:00

Well I now have carpet on my bedroom floor. I am now in the process of killing my mother to make a decision on what she wants the walls to be. I know that it shouldnt be her decision seeing as it is my room. HOWEVER SHE PAYS THE BILLS SO IT HER CHOICE. and no rent doesnt count. Once she makes that decision I then have to paint the wals and THEN MOVE ALL MY SHIT BACK IN, including the shit I have yet to unpack from Brownville. And this will be now while going to work. and if it takes her more than 2 weeks I will have to be doing this while working and going to school. which cuts my time down to basically Thursday and Friday night.

2005-08-22T23:35:00.000-05:00

Hello to all.

Well Another year has started at WSC I am not there and very little has changed since last time I posted. I now have gone to Brownville and have hence returned. I am now even more financially fucked than when I left WSC. I am going to school starting on the 7th. I have classes Monday through Wednesday and then Saturday morning. I hopefully will be more frequent on the post not necessarily the quality but the quantity will go up.

SO HAVE FUN ON YOU SECOND DAY OF CLASSES.

GOOD NIGHT AND BUDDHA BLESSINGS.

Sorry Joey Part two

2005-05-13T20:26:00.000-05:00

This time no bush. Just a whole lot of SHAT. Beatles Fans and Trekies unite in Revolt. For here it is in all its Media player glory:

http://www.ifilm.com/WMPPlaylist.asx?l=-2023192669&ifilmId=2670057&bandwidth=300

Site/Side Project Update

2005-04-20T00:06:00.000-05:00

Well Hi-diddle-oooo to every one out there. Some may have noticed this but my blog is about to under go changes. Especially in the links area. As of right now I will explain. (PS thanks to jimmy for modeling how to do this for me)

1. Air America Radio- I am starting to get more interested in this station. For those who don't know it is a Liberal radio station. You can listen to it live on the internet in either player. By the way, if you know the address for the K92 radio show stream, I would love to put it right underneath it. I cant seem to figure it out, because the link is in flash. I Emailed Hawkeye but as far as now I haven't got anything.

2. Guest book- This is just so I can figure out who is that bored to look at this. I have found out there are people who read this almost everyday that I thought didn't even know this existed. And since my link taken off Jimmy's page. I am just curious.

3. Omaha Theatre- I removed the WSC links for some obvious reasons. I am going to hopefully get involved in theatre in this area. This is where if you see a theatre or if you are looking for a show that I might make you aware of You can go directly to the site.

4. The Bizible- I am not going to even try and explain it here other than this is a project that I will hopefully be a part of. It is pretty well explained on the site.

SIDE PROJECT UPDATE:
I have kinda been slacking on my calendar but tonight I caught up. I was able to add March 13-April 20. If you want to catch up on the lovely musings of "My Saint George". Check the Link section.

Sorry Joey

2005-04-17T10:26:00.000-05:00

Spam-a-lot cast on Today

2005-03-21T02:01:00.000-06:00

http://video.msn.com/video/p.htm?m=Home%20and%20Living&mi=NBC%20Today&i=2b52e10b-feb4-42ca-b522-972ac80344b7,9b530e30-e5a0-4575-9b23-628188203a38&p=Living_NBC%20Today&rf=http://www.msn.com/

It also includes clips of the broadway version and proves that katie couric has lost her mind.

Rejected Crayola Crayons

2005-03-15T22:50:00.000-06:00

2005-03-01T01:42:00.000-06:00

When I started blogging I told myself that I wasn't going to take anything off. In the spirit of that, I will instead apologize. On Tuesday, February 22, 2005, I posted something that truly disturbed me. Not so much because of what I said, but the fact that I don't not recall typing that.
I honestly found it the next morning.

I would just like to state that I, Eric Green, of sound mind and body, HAVE contemplated suicide on several occasions. However, I have not truly thought about it seriously in the past 3 years. I first would like to apologize to anyone that my post may have concerned. I have had two good friends commit suicide, And I know the pain that it caused to myself. I wouldn't want to wish that feeling upon my worst enemy.

PS I would also like to thank the anonymous commenter for what they said. But please next time give your name. Anonymous people cant get true thanks.

2005-03-01T01:30:00.000-06:00

As some of you noticed I added a little someone to my blogging links. This is the link to Joey Harris. Most of you have never seen Joey. He is a friend that I had when I was in high school. I have written several things with this man. He is currently going to UNO. I will start out by saying that Joey is a moderate that is in support of Bush. Most of you know that I am not that into Bush. But the best example is he is the Ying to my Yo-Yo... or something like that.

2005-02-22T00:05:00.000-06:00

I got light headed again from work. I think it is the combination of sawdust, and cleaning chemicals. I am starting to question wither the next day is even going to come for me. I start to wonder is the $68 even fucking worth getting up. I start to wonder if I died in the night how many people would even remember me. Anyone that would truly care about me. I know I have friends but I just have to think, "what if I died and my Funeral was during the week, how many people would actually come". Would they say the usual: He had everything to live for. He was a great friend with a good sense of humor. HE WILL BE MISSED. Every day I think that you should love it like it is your last but I just don't know anymore. I don't think I can go through with it myself. IS IT FUCKING WORTH IT. I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW MY LIFE IS WORTH THE FUCKING $68 A FUCKING DAY. I haven't lived my life, but I think that what if my life ended. No one will miss me. NO ONE WILL FUCKING MISS ME.

Grammy Nominees PT2

2005-02-15T00:06:00.000-06:00

Record of the Year:
If I got to choose: Heaven
I think will win: Here We Go Again
ACTUAL WINNER: Here We Go Again

Heart:00 Head:01 Neither:00

Album of the Year:
If I got to choose: The College Dropout w/ American Idiot close second
I think will win: Confessions
ACTUAL WINNER: Genius Loves Company

Heart:00 Head:01 Neither:01

Song of the Year:
If I got to choose: If I Ain't Got You
I think will win: Live Like You Were Dying
ACTUAL WINNER: Daughters," John Mayer.

Heart:00 Head:01 Neither:02

New Artist:
If I got to choose: Joss Stone
I think will win: Maroon 5
ACTUAL WINNER: Maroon 5

Heart:00 Head:02 Neither:02

Pop Vocal Album:
If I got to choose: Mind, Body and Soul
I think will win: any one of these
ACTUAL WINNER: Genius Loves Company

Heart:00 Head:03 Neither:02

Rock Album:
If I got to choose: American Idiot
I think will win: The Delivery Man
ACTUAL WINNER: American Idiot

Heart:01 Head:03 Neither:02

R&B Album:
If I got to choose: I Can't Stop
I think will win: Musicology or The Diary of Alicia Keys
ACTUAL WINNER: The Diary of Alicia Keys

Heart:01 Head:04 Neither:02

Rap Album:
If I got to choose: The College Dropout
I think will win: The Black Album
ACTUAL WINNER: The College Dropout

Heart:02 Head:04 Neither:02

Country Album:
If I got to choose: Here for the Party
I think will win: Live Like You Were Dying
ACTUAL WINNER: Van Lear Rose

Heart:02 Head:04 Neither:03

Latin Pop Album:
If I got to choose: Diego Torres: MTV Unplugged
I think will win: Amar Sin Mentiras
ACTUAL WINNER: Amar Sin Mentiras

Heart:02 Head:05 Neither:03
In summation: I am now affirmed tat I know nothing bout music. I am glad that Kanye got a couple. Green day I am also very proud of. However I will state this right now: JOSS STONE GOT SCREWED. I hope that she will take this in stride and not change a god damn thing. If you haven't heard her, You need too. And hey I was able to pick, 50% and I picked or chose 70%.

A weapon of ass distraction.

2005-02-05T13:54:00.000-06:00

Well if any of you have been aware of the news recently. Your lovely president made a scheduled and choreographed stop in the big O. it was at 8:00 in the morning at the qwest center. I didnt have to work till 2:00 in the afternoon so I decided I would be one of the goobers standing outside the center and wait for the head goober to poke his head like a groundhog. However he could not not see his shadow for there was a Solar eclipse. For there was a gigantic moon in the way of the sun's heavenly body. But he was blinded truly by the brightness of the lunar surface. For those of you who havent figured this out yet. President George Walker Bush, has joined the list. THis list includes Former Mayor Hal Daub, Former Govener, Mike Johans, Ben Nelson the current Senator and former Govener. This si the list of politicans that I have shown the glory of my anus to. YES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I HAVE SHOWN THE PRESIDENT MY ASS.

Which Icon are you?

2005-02-05T13:48:00.000-06:00

Your Icon is..... by d3athofs3asons
Your Name
Your Age
Your B-day
Your Icon Is....

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Try this combination: Name: Eric Green
Age: 20
DOB: 7/13/1984

a little quiz for anyone

2005-02-01T01:32:00.000-06:00

This is based on U.S. & CDN info, so use all lobes of your brain. This can be more difficult than it looks - it just shows how little most of us really see! There are 27 questions about things we see every day or have known about all our lives. How many can you get right? These little simple questions are harder than you think-- it just shows you how little we pay attention to the commonplace things of life. Put your thinking caps on. No cheating! No looking around! No getting out of your chair! No using anything on or in your desk or computer! Can you beat 20?? The average person only gets 7 right. Blog your answers and leave your name in my comments I will leave your score with you. REMEMBER - NO CHEATING!!!

1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
2. How many states are there in the USA? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)
3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?
5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?
6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
7. How many matches are in a standard pack?
8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?
9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?
10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?
11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
13. On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?
14. Which way do fans rotate?
15. What is on the back of a Canadian dime?
16. How many sides does a stop sign have?
17. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?
18. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
19. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
20. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?
21. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
22. On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?
23. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?
24. On the back of a Canadian $1 coin, what is in the center?
25. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
26. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?
27. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?

My Heart is Black

2005-02-01T01:24:00.000-06:00

Your Heart is Black

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

See I told you

ME A-Z

2005-01-27T13:05:00.000-06:00

A. Accent: Pick one, and I can fake it.
B. Breast size: I dont know but there smaller than Kate's (RIGHT KATE)
C. Chore you hate: mowing
D. Dad's name: Timothy Clarence Green
E. Essential make-up item: no make-up
F. Favorite perfume/cologne: Axe
G. Gold or silver: Silver. Gold makes me break out.
H. Hometown: Omaha, NE
I. Insomnia: I can stay up. When I do go to sleep, a freight train couldn't wake me up.
J. Job title: Temporary, /full time student
K. Kids: none and I dont plan to.
L. Living arrangements: with my parents
M. Mum's birthplace: North Platte, NE
N. Number of apples you've eaten: people keep track of that
O. Overnight hospital stays: 3, stomach pump, knee surgery, and birth
P. Phobia: I dont know but when it happens YOU'LL KNOW
Q. Question you'd like answered: Is there a god (you know to settle a bet)
R. Religious affiliation: raised Methodist but have no affiliation
S. Siblings: 1
T. Time you wake up: it varies greatly
U. Unnatural hair colors you've worn: Green, Blue
V. Vegetable you refuse to eat: Brussel Sprouts
W. Worst habit: procrastination
X. X-rays you've had: knee teeth
Y. Yummy foods you make: too many to mention
Z. Zodiac sign: Cancer

Side Project Update plus R.I.P.

2005-01-23T23:10:00.000-06:00

While I was in St. Louis I wasn't able to post for the calendar so here we go. I post up last weeks and got up to date on so there I am back.

Also at this moment I would like every one to take a moment of respect and silence for a great star, man, and host: Johnny Carson. Last sunday, he slipped away. Everyone, and I repeat EVERYONE after him are pretenders and imposters.

Johnny Carson: All hail the king.

2005-01-12T13:44:00.000-06:00

Side Project update:

Sorry if you have become a divouted follower of the Words of Wisdom blog( http://gcwow.blogspot.com/) that I have. I am sorry but I am working till 10 :30 and I make the mistake of sitting on the couch and slowly slipp into a coma. So I ask you if you missed a date either or me check the Archives and and there you have it. Well I got to go to work in an hour so I will see you when you are sleeping.

2005-01-12T13:39:00.000-06:00

My grandma got the tube out of her mouth today. I am excited because now she can actually talk now when we visit her. However when she talks she kinda forgets what was said or what has been said to her. As a result my mom made a journal book for her. She visits and tries to write down important events and statements.

Survey from "Inside the Actors Studio"

2005-01-10T13:17:00.000-06:00

I got this survey from Rhea's Blog:

What is your favorite word?
Yes

What is your least favorite word?
Ignorance - to nice of a term for what it truly means.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Laughter of my friends and fellow stangers

What turns you off?
stupid rude people who dont listen

What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck - It has so many uses and each one of them feel good (not original but oh so nice)

What sound or noise do you love?
Laughter of an uncomfortable nature

What sound or noise do you hate?
someone talking through their nose

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
well I would to be an actor or a web designer

What profession would you not like to do?
bomb tester

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Fuck! I owe someone another twenty.

2005-01-09T23:10:00.000-06:00

I just wanna say how is everybody. I am now in the friendly confines of my house in Omaha. I wish I was in Wayne but I may be back in less than a week from now. (Jimmy if I accidentally took some thing of yours tell me via Email and I will make sure it comes back to you. They rushed me to move out.) As for the meat of this thing I just want to let you know about what has been going on with the break here.

Personal:
My Grandma was having stomach pains and apparently she has them every time she eats but she was having a hard time breathing while having them recently. She had to have surgery on her colon and a think a little on her heart. She now has to crap in a bag and is currently in the ICU at Immanuel Hospital. My only fear was what if she was alone in Ohiowa when this happened. (The closest hospital is in Gretna which is a good 20 minutes away)We keep getting calls from family members asking how she is or if anything is new.

Employment:
I am now working for a temporary agency. I am getting to work for this week at 2:00PM to 10:00PM at Lozier's there making me read saftey manuals(VERY BORING) and wear shiny steel caps on my boots. it sucks but it pays bills.

Plans:
I am putting this up so I don't have to answer this question 20 times to people. I will work for the temp agency from 11:00PM to 7:00AM and going to Metro in March as a full time student. I will get an associate degree in Theatre Technology and either parlay that into a bachelors or another job hopefully in theatre.

I will see you all. Have fun @ classes suckers.

Another survey

2005-01-04T01:31:00.000-06:00

If you want to put this up I have just the questions in my comments.

FULL NAME: Eric Norman Green
BIRTHDAY: FRiday, July 13, 1984
STAR SIGN: Cancer
HEIGHT: 5' 9"
WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Omaha, NE
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? I really dont know.
DO YOU WEAR GLASSES? used to but know I wear nothing for my eyes.
YOUR PERFECT MAN/WOMAN: I am not sure on that one either.
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR FAMILY? Yes
HAVE YOU EVER HATED ANY PERSON IN YOUR FAMILY? Yes
ARE YOU GOING TO COLLEGE? I am currently in between Colleges.
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF 5 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD? Hopefully in a theatre.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVE SAYING? I am he, and he is me.
DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED...HAVE KIDS? HEll NO
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ABORTION? It is a women's choice and I have no say on what a women does with her Vagina.
WHOSE THE PERSON THAT SENT THIS TO YOU? I took it from Jimmy.
YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM? I have a buddha statue. And A dog tag from a friend that committed suicide.
WORST SONG YOU'VE EVER HEARD? Stacy's Mom by Fountains of Wayne
BEST SONG YOU'VE EVER HEARD? Voodoo Child By Jimmi Hendrix
ARE YOU A GOOD STUDENT? lazy but if I like the subject I tend to do better.
ARE YOU A GOOD DRIVER? usually but I have no sense of direction
ARE YOU GOOD AT SPORTS? I am not athletic at all.
ARE YOU DEEP SLEEPER? I could be killed in my sleep.
DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? bandanas and hats
DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yes
DO YOU LIKE TO SHOP: if I got money.
DO YOU LIKE TO PARTY: I am not to big of a party animal but I go out sometimes.
DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING PIERCED? nope and dont plan to.
WOULD YOU KILL SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW FOR 15 BILLION DOLLARS? what do you know something?
WHAT THREE THINGS WOULD YOU TAKE FROM YOUR ROOM IF YOU RAN AWAY? bible from my uncle that died in Veitnam, buddha statue, and something in a rush.
CAREER? Hopefully, an Actor but I will work crew.
WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Buddha, pyscho, Homicidal Teddy Bear, and anthing involving the word "big"(big poppa, big man, etc...).
BONUS QUESTION!!!... IF YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE AND IT WOULD HURT THEM IF THEY FOUND OUT, WOULD YOU TELL THEM? yes
PUT A BODY PART ON FIRE FOR AMUSEMENT? not yet
SKINNY DIPPED? yes
FLASHED SOMEONE? oh god yes.
PLAYED STRIP POKER? yes
BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT? yes but it was quick
BEEN IN LOVE? yes
RODE IN A POLICE CAR? both in front and back
BEEN ON A PLANE? yes
COME CLOSE TO DYING? yes
SWAM IN THE OCEAN? no
BEEN HURT EMOTIONALLY? yes
BEEN TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK? many parks
KEPT A SECRET FROM PEOPLE? yes
CRIED DURING A MOVIE? yes
BEEN ON STAGE? many times
HAD CHICKEN POX? yes
HAD STITCHES? not yet
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE VEGETABLE? carrot
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FAST FOOD/RESTAURANT? Hong Hing (Chineese all you can eat), Donand Millies(greasiest burgers on the planet)
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MEAT? pepperoni
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? Cookies and Cream Hershey's
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? Monty Python's Life of Brian
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? Monty Python's Flying Circus(are we seeing a pattern)
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO VISIT? Colorado( Ilkae sitting on mountains and just staring off into the heavens
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SPORTS? Football
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK/POP? Diet Pepsi
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK (IF YOU HAVE ANY)? Jack if I can afford it, bud light bottles if I can't.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 69 or 00
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? Venus Fly Trap
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BRAND OF SHOES? Rebook / new balance
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME/COLOGNE? deoderant
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SHAMPOO? Suave
DAY/NIGHT? Night
SUMMER/WINTER? Fall
LACE/SATIN? are you tring to suduce me?
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CARTOON CHARACTER? Taz (Marvin the martian close 2^nd)
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? Pasta
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT? Theatre
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FRUIT/VEGETABLE JUICE? Orange
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PERSON TO TALK TO? Kate
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU... CRIED? no
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU... WORN A SKIRT? no
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU... MET SOMEONE NEW? yes
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU... CLEANED YOUR ROOM? yes
IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU... DONE LAUNDRY? just jeans
DO YOU BELIEVE IN... YOURSELF? yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN... FRIENDS? yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN... FAMILY? yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN... SANTA CLAUS? no
DO YOU BELIEVE IN... TOOTH FAIRY? no
DO YOU BELIEVE IN... DESTINY/FATE? more in Karma
DO YOU BELIEVE IN... ANGELS? I belive in spirts, I just dont belive that any spirt is better or holier than another.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN... GOD? I belive in a creator just not a white man with a beard who judges us.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN... SATAN/DEMONS? satan not really, demons:see angels
DO YOU BELIEVE IN... GHOSTS? see angels
DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND? no
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? clothes silly
DO YOU LIKE ANYONE? well I like him but I dont think he likes, likes me.
WHO'S YOUR LOUDEST FRIEND? that would be me.
WHO'S YOUR SHYEST FRIEND? Jimmy
WHO'S YOUR WEIRDEST FRIEND? If they are friends with me they qualify for disability.
A FRIEND THAT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IN AWHILE: Bacon
WHEN HAVE YOU CRIED THE MOST? when my grandpa died
WHAT IS THE WORST FEELING? guilt
WHO WILL RESPOND TO THIS EMAIL THE FASTEST? they will post on the blog like I am, so I have no Idea
DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO FILL THIS OUT AND SEND IT TO YOU? see above answer

NEW SIDE PROJECT

2005-01-02T20:05:00.001-06:00

well I purchased a calender tht is full of George Carlin bits so now after my attempt to post things in the hallways, I will now go ONLINE. I will hopefully post daily the bit for the day. It may just be enough wisdom or WTF material for you to take daily.

George Carlin's Words of Wisdom

X-MAS 2004

2004-12-24T01:12:00.000-06:00

Well it is X-mas and frankly it was a little surreal. Well first I finished the week of buying presents for others and on behalf of others. Then it is Christmas night and as a complete surprise, we ended dinner with a bottle of Captain Morgan now this is the thing, I am 20, and my sister is 16. They offered us drinks my sister stopped after a sip of it but of course in a bold move in the eyes of my parents I commence to finish not only mine but my my sisters regular sized glasses of straight Rum. Then we opened presents.

I got:

DDR Extreme
Big Dog Shirt
Jeans
CD of "Rick and Bubba Radio Show"
$25 blockbuster card
Book full of Jeff Foxworthy "Redneck" Jokes
pillow
10 in 1 multi tool
and stuff that I forgot

all in all it was a good X-mas until the disscusions began. (see You Wont Have Eric Green to Kick Around Anymore).

You Wont Have Eric Green to Kick Around Anymore

2004-12-24T01:00:00.000-06:00

Well it I am here to make the anouncement that I Eric will no longer be attending Wayne State College Effective on X-mas EVE 2004. I will now commence to adress everyone on an individual basis:

Kate: You have been almost better than a sister to me. I wish nothing but sucess to you in everything that you do. IF you start that Community Theatre, I will be the first actor there. I wish you best of Luck with Mark.

Mark: Hey man. you are a lucky person to have the brain, the talent and the mindset. I hope you also get to do what you want for a living.

Brenner: You are one of the collest guys that I meet this year so dont Changea damn thing.

Jimmy: You have been the coolest roomate I have had in Wayne since I have been there. (you can ask Kate)I hope you can enjoy youre single room, at least for the first few weeks you got. before you will undoubtly moved in to a different room some how by Aaron Gay. PS if I accedentyl forget something there or accidentaly take something of yours just tell me it will be an excuse to go back.

Theatre Dept.: I am ina great debt to every one there. I will forever remeber everyone there. Eric Adams, Adam Hansen, Slow Bill, and Mark. In My opinion YOU are the future of the Department. I will see you all on the 16^th.

My mother wants my to completely sever all ties with WSC. but to me it is just like asking me to cut off my limbs. I may say this again:

NO MATTER WHERE I GET MY DEGREE, I WAS TAUGHT AT WSC

Congrats Man

2004-12-16T05:22:00.000-06:00

So its around 5:30 in the morning and I am listening to Bill Hicks (If you don't know him, find him). Anyway I am just combing over the little bitty parts of my brain and just slap it up on the board. First and foremost I just want to say that I am impressed with Jimmy's Blog(link at the left). I am his roommate and I have seen the improvements and additions to his blog and considering the guy had to look at a book to know how to put in an image in, to now putting in Java and finally, and this is the most impressive his categories section in his link bar. This required him to link to a page that had links to every post about a certain subject. He has a pretty big blog but if you want to look at something specific in his life you can find it easier. I would do that right now but it is a lot of effort and i don't have enough posts about similar subjects so I won't.

Death Clock Results

2004-12-13T02:18:00.000-06:00

So I was bored and I tried an old Website I used to go to call Deathclock.com and tried out all the options. Now this web site is runn by a fitness magazine so I am assumming even these numbers are slightly lower than they should be.

As far as needed info all you need to know is your BMI (if you dont know it just know your height and weight it will give your BMI. and your date of birth.

as far as my info:
DOB: JULY 13, 1984
SEX: MALE
BMI: 40
Smoking Status: Non-smoker
and I changed the mode so I got four different results:

Outlook | Date of Death | Age of Death | years to live
Optimistic | Monday, June 17, 2075 | 91 | 71
Normal | Friday, April 24, 2054 | 70 | 50
Pessimistic | Thursday, February 17, 2033 | 49 | 29
Sadistic | Wednesday, April 24, 2019 | 35 | 15

scary isnt it.

Grammy Nominees

2004-12-07T14:22:00.000-06:00

I will preface this by saying that I don't know dick about music. I will repeat that I DON'T KNOW DICK ABOUT MUSIC. So if you don't like what I say that is why. I just wanted to comment on the Grammy nominations.

Record of the Year:
"Let's Get It Started" The Black Eyed Peas
"Here We Go Again" Ray Charles and Norah Jones
"American Idiot" Green Day
"Heaven," Los Lonely Boys
"Yeah!" Usher featuring Lil' Jon and Ludacris

If I got to choose: Heaven
I think will win: Here We Go Again
Comments:
I think if you cant have the original it shouldn't win(that takes out the BEP keep it "Lets Get Retarded") and I liked "Hey Mama" better. I haven't actually heard "Here We Go Again" but I think that will win because lets face it Ray Charles and Norah Jones cant really miss Grammy wise.

Album of the Year:
"Genius Loves Company" Ray Charles and Various Artists
"American Idiot" Green Day
"The Diary of Alicia Keys" Alicia Keys
"Confessions" Usher
"The College Dropout" Kanye West

If I got to choose: The College Dropout w/ American Idiot close second
I think will win: Confessions
Comments:
I love the fact that you really cant pick a single song from the dropout that stands out because the album is fantastic as a whole. How ever I believe that they will focus on sales for this one which will give it to Usher.

Song of the Year:
"Daughters" John Mayer (John Mayer)
"If I Ain't Got You" Alicia Keys (Alicia Keys)
"Jesus Walks" C. Smith and Kanye West (Kanye West)
"Live Like You Were Dying" Tim Nichols and Craig Wiseman (Tim McGraw)
"The Reason" Daniel Estrin and Douglas Robb (Hoobastank)

If I got to choose: If I Ain't Got You
I think will win: Live Like You Were Dying
Comments:
I hated the video, but every time it is on the radio I cant help but sing it, but usually a Country Artist takes at least one category so I think that this is it.

New Artist:
Los Lonely Boys
Maroon 5
Joss Stone
Kanye West
Gretchen Wilson

If I got to choose: Joss Stone
I think will win: Maroon 5
Comments:
For some reason I don't think that they will give this to a hip hop artist. I am all about Joss stone, I love her voice. And it is amazing coming out of her mouth. But with songs like "This Love" and "She will be Loved"(which I like if you take out the chorus) I think it is sown up for Maroon 5.

Pop Vocal Album:
"Genius Loves Company" Ray Charles and Various Artists
"Feels Like Home" Norah Jones
"Afterglow" Sarah McLachlan
"Mind, Body and Soul" Joss Stone
"Brian Wilson Presents Smile" Brian Wilson

If I got to choose: Mind, Body and Soul
I think will win: any one of these
Comments:
This one is too close to call I am thinking that any of these artists are extremely "Grammy friendly" and as I said before I am all about Joss Stone.

Rock Album:
"The Delivery Man" Elvis Costello and the Imposters
"American Idiot" Green Day
"The Reason" Hoobastank
"Hot Fuss" the Killers
"Contraband" Velvet Revolver

If I got to choose: American Idiot
I think will win: The Delivery Man
Comments:
For those who scoff I have two words for you: JETHRO TULL

R&B Album:
"My Everything" Anita Baker
"I Can't Stop" Al Green
"The Diary of Alicia Keys" Alicia Keys
"Musicology" Prince
"Beautifully Human: Words and Sounds Vol. 2" Jill Scott

If I got to choose: I Can't Stop
I think will win: Musicology or The Diary of Alicia Keys
Comments:
there is a saying if you cant make love to Al Green, Quit trying to make love. But this will be a very hard one to crack but I think that record sales will determined this and Musicology sales are inflated.

Rap Album:
"To the 5 Boroughs" Beastie Boys
"The Black Album" Jay-Z
"The DEFinition" LL Cool J
"Suit" Nelly
"The College Dropout" Kanye West

If I got to choose: The College Dropout
I think will win: The Black Album
Comments:
They're probably already making the plaque for this one. It is Jay's last album and Eminem is no where to be seen. But watch out for LL Cool J too.

Country Album:
"Van Lear Rose" Loretta Lynn
"Live Like You Were Dying" Tim McGraw
"Tambourine" Tift Merritt
"Be Here" Keith Urban
"Here for the Party" Gretchen Wilson

If I got to choose: Here for the Party
I think will win: Live Like You Were Dying
Comments: since Gretchen wont win new artist I think she should win his but Tim McGraw is like the Tom Hanks of the country scene.

Latin Pop Album:
"Amar Sin Mentiras" Marc Anthony
"SinVerguenza" Bacilos
"Pau-latina" Paulina Rubio
"Diego Torres: MTV Unplugged" Diego Torres
"El Rock De Mi Pueblo" Carlos Vives

If I got to choose: Diego Torres: MTV Unplugged

I think will win: Amar Sin Mentiras

Comments: Marc Anthony will win because he can fuck JLo and there is no losing in that situation.

I will be back after the Grammys to check this. I am not saying I am going to be right about any of these but what the hell this what these are for.

Survey Time

2004-12-07T13:10:00.000-06:00

01. First grade teacher's name: Mrs Tong
02. Last person you kissed: My mother
03. Last word you said: Said
04. Last song you sang: "What it's Like" by Everlast (I sang it on the toilet)
05. Last person you hugged: Kate
06. Last thing you laughed at: Janet in Stagecraft
07. Last time you said Hmm: just after asking the question
08. What's in your CD player: nothing right now but you can have a nice dukes mixture in there
09. What socks are you wearing: white ankle socks that I got for $5
10. What's under your bed: I sleep on the floor
11. Current Tastes: salty mixed with a bit of sweet, and some how I am tasting bitterness.
12. Current hair style: however the hell I wake up.
13. Current clothes: A white Laramie project shirt, black windpants, white socks, black shoes
14. Current Job: Theatre Technician On-campus Temp jobs Off-Campus
15. Current longing: happiness
16. Current desktop picture: I scanned my face, so it looks like I was pressed up against the screen.
17. Current worry: if I will be back for next semester, then if I can pay for it
18. Current hate: I am not liking my parents right now.
19. Story behind your username: I am known by many nicknames two of them are "Buddha" and "bubba" so I added them as a nice parradox. and if you knew me it would make since.
20. Current favorite article of clothing: I have over thirty bandanas
21. Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: eyes that is why i have a hard time looking into your eyes when I first met you.
22. Last CD you bought: Wicked - the musical
23. Favorite place to be: marks room playing halo
24. Least favorite place: my dorm room
25. Time you wake up in the morning: crack of noon
26. If you could play a new instrument, what would it be: accustic guitar
27. When was the last time you surprised yourself: When paying DDR I got a AA on Kakumei
28. Current favorite word/saying: "I am he, and he is me" I answer to "Are you Eric?" or "Is that Eric?"
29. Favorite book: Why Not Me? by Al Franken
30. Favorite Movie: too many to answer (Monty Python is a safe bet)
31. Favorite Songs: Thugz mansion (Acoustic) by 2Pac ft Nas; La vie Bohem from RENT; She Wont Let Me... by Afroman; Popular from Wicked; Voodoo Child by Jimi Hendrix, and many other ones too numerous to mention.
32. Favorite Artists: I like everyone. I like any dancehall artists, hip hop, R&B, I am digging Gretchen Wilson, Eminem, and Uncle Kracker
33. One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: My grandpa
34. Favorite day: ones that end in Y
35. Where do you want to go: To New York to be able to live there.
36. What is your career going to be like: hope fully an actor on Stage if not then stripper(Afronova)note the post titled oh the motion the sweet motion
37. How many kids do you want: none
38. What kind of car will you have: all I know is it will probably be a hybrid
39. Type a line you remember from any book: "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times"
40. If you could have sex with any one, who?: not gonna answer that one.
41. Eye Color: blue
42. Hair Color: calico
43. Righty or Lefty: righty
44. Zodiac Sign: Cancer
45. Innie or Outtie: I have no choice but to have a innie

I miss my Vagina

2004-11-18T01:34:00.000-06:00

I am noticing a lot of my friends having Vagina buttons. I know what they are for. But it makes me nostalgic, not when I had a vagina or anything like that. But when I had a vagina. I didn't own it like it was property. I owned as it was a haven for me. I was smart enough to know that at the moment we were together that no matter what happened in my life I had a person to be there that I could go insane in front of and then she would be able to calm me down.

Now more than ever I miss her I miss everything That she meant to me. Yeah I miss my Vagina, and her name was Sabrina.

My Friend Stina

2004-11-18T01:30:00.000-06:00

Gallery of Riot Girl

This is a gallery of my friend Stina. She is a graduating senior with an art education major(she might correct me on that one). If you want a sneak peek at what she has in store for her gallery that is in Nordstrand on the second floor in Fine Arts. I would recommend visiting her. For if nothing else visit something a student does.

SO what the hell else is new

2004-11-18T01:14:00.000-06:00

Sorry I haven't been posting much. I am not even sure I live in my room anymore. I know that is where I sleep most of the time but really it ain't my home. Also I am kinda pissed because for the first time in my poetic career that I am not going to the poetry slam. Also my parents. I am going to strangle them not because I am not a loving son and I am not in the mind set that I know that they hate me. It just that they had to use the F word: Failure. In my opinion there is nothing like the word Failure. It is not my fear but it is my regret.

Sorry there is no happy ending to this. I just let out a lot of anger and aggression a piece of wood. i felt a little better but then I went back to my hole of anger and it always sits there to wait on your arrival.

Rules for living

2004-11-09T01:21:00.000-06:00

01. When in doubt, select the chocolate flavor.
02. When establishing discipline for your child, reserve the harshest punishment for lying.
03. The time spent in obtaining the right tool always pays off.
04. Never judge a moral code by the behavior of those who don't fully comply with it.
05. Start all screws before tightening any.
06. When something goes wrong in an organization, blame the leadership.
07. Marriage really begins when you start having sex. Don't marry a stranger.
08. Never have more than one relationship at a time with any person.
09. If you cannot stop at just one drink, accept that for you the only safe number is zero.
10. Pay cash or do without.
11. Always keep your word.

Its sad because its true

2004-11-07T18:36:00.000-06:00

I am just going to post this because I saw it on biskuit's blog. I am a person who is just fine watching video games being played by someone else. And I am not a big fan of playing RPGs. I am usually the man going on line looking for the FAQ. It is a very long list but if you got the time and a pretty vast recollection of RPGs it is pretty funny.

The Grand List Of Console Role Playing Game Clichés

Election 2004

2004-11-05T22:34:00.001-06:00

So Bush won and frankly I am speechless. I was hoping that the American public would listen to what they were actually saying to each other. I know I live in a college town and maybe that is why but all I was hearing form people were "How the fuck did we elect this man in the first place?" Well frankly who the fuck were they voting for? Cause some how, in my opinion, the seemingly dumbest man in the political system, seemed to get 51% of this nation to vote for him. The only way I see it is one of a couple reasons.

1. They want to see how Bush finishes this nice sand box shuffle we like to call the War in Iraq

2. They voted Republican because they registered as a Republican, and fuck if they change their minds and seem like a "flip-flopper" so they can't vote democrat because we are all painted red or blue aren't we?

3. They were afraid that Kerry is soft on defense and a "flip-flopper". Because right now we are in a great little slice of fucking heaven under Bush now. Aren't we?

4. Our parents always told us to vote republican. If that is the case guess why your parents vote republican. We can go all the way back to things like the civil rights movement and we know how republicans thought of that.

5 You voted for Nader, and in my book you voted for Bush. Don't give me that "I hate Bush and Kerry" crap. Do you really think that Nader had a snowball's chance in hell? When I asked people who said that they wrote in Nader because I lived in a State where he wasn't on the ballot(that way it had to be a real effort to vote for him)who would you vote for out of the two party candidates? Almost all said that they would vote for Kerry.

I know that he is going to be our leader for probably the next 4 years and I will treat his election like he told me to treat the attacks on 9/11: I will carry on with the same beliefs I had before the terrible day. I will continue to believe that marriage should be about love not gender. God doesn't need money or a place in politics. I will believe that peace should be the first step before jumping into war. And finally that BUSH IS STILL THE #1 DUMBEST FUCK IN THE COUNTRY.

Well just who the hell do I think I am?

2004-10-29T01:30:00.000-05:00

I am taking various Surveys from Various websites: I will adding things to this blog so keep checking it:

Which File Extension are You?

Which OS are You?

Which Nigerian spammer are You?

If you are going to cover a song, DON'T FUCK IT UP, please.

2004-10-24T04:46:00.000-05:00

I never thought that Brittney Spears was a great songstress. And I like all types of music, goofier the better, so it takes a lot to screw up something for me. So now I must tip my hat to Mrs.(or Miss, hell who can tell anymore) Spears for screwing up the one thing of bobby brown I had left to cling to. If you don’t know what I am talking about the little lady has done a cover of “My Prerogative” by Bobby Brown. Now I like seeing her roll around and grind random furniture as much as the next red blooded male but, shit, stop it.

Also while typing this I saw a commercial for Hall and Oates’ that right I said it HALL AND OATES’ new album “Our Kind of Soul” in which they do covers of there favorite R&B songs the one that truly disturbs me is the cover of Barry White’s “Cant get Enough of Your Love” does any one else feel like rioting because NOW we have a cause.

Oh the motion... OH THE SWEET MOTION!!!!

2004-10-24T04:24:00.000-05:00

I play DDR* on a regular basis and I am a fairly large individ...HELL I'M FAT. And that makes a lot of sense to play DDR* because you lose weight and it is a fun exercise so I wear pretty light clothing to start with. I have done this without a shirt, in my tighty-whities, and now ladies and gentlemen I have gone the full Monty. YES, MY FRIENDS, I HAVE PLAYED DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION* WEARING NOTHING BUT SOCKS. Another fun thing is that in workout mode which I played it keep track of the calories in which I lost and then equates them to swimming, jumping rope, and jogging. I realized that in my dorm room I just streaked for one mile. I didn't pay attention to laps skinny dipped.(I didn't think it was important. I actually striped in song sections and sure enough the first song that I had to start naked was called Afronova Revenge which is one of the fastest songs with a lot of jumping involved with it so needless to say there was a lot of necessary and unnecessary motion.

* now for those who haven’t realized what this game is DDR is a game based on music in which you are standing on a pad on the floor or platform in an arcade in which the player has to step on specific arrows on their “dance pads” to the beat of the music. If you go to a larger arcade of even movie theater arcade they might have a DDR game just look for the people who are grouped together staring at what appears to be a gigantic speaker blaring techno or trance house music.

SAW IT AND THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY

2004-10-18T23:50:00.000-05:00

The Boondocks by Aaron Mc Gruder

I really love this comic because it is pretty balanced and funy. This one is especally touching.

I just put up the link because it is screwing with my sidebar and I am too lazy to adjust the template.

NU Football and Marriage

2004-10-14T04:28:00.000-05:00

So any way its homecoming week/end and frankly I have even less school spirit than that which I leave in loose floating piles in the toilet. I just feel like it is hard to have school spirit about a team that if we win, we get drunk, and if we lose, well, we just get drunk. I call that a win-win situation. And even as we speak someone, somewhere, is calling Bo Pellini and asking him to come back and coach at good ole Nebraska U. OH PSI FUCK NEBRASKA FOOTBALL. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

Sorry I had to get that out of my system.

and now my true tangent:

as I was watching the Debates(3rd one specifically) I was on the phone with someone because I cant give my full attention to politics. I then noticed the question Is homosexuality a choice? To which my screamed a resounding NO YOU DIPSHITS AND IF YOU ACTUALLY GAVE A DAMN YOU WOULD KNOW THAT!!!! And if someone ever says that the "DOMA" laws are to protect the sanctity of marriage, I have two words for you Brittney Fuckin Spears. At a point when she can go to Vegas and act like this precious ceremony between two loving and caring individuals like a spring break in Cancun. Or couples that stay together for a couple of days then marry and then break up in a couple of months. Then my idea of marriage in no longer defensible. No we cant have two men or two women express their love of many many years in a ceremony in a church with a pastor. For fuck sake I know of a man who married his car. I am really thinking of at least trying to be ordained to do nothing else but to specialize in same sex ceremonies. I think then love will truly mean what the DOMA FREAKS are trying to "defend"

I already don't like this

2004-10-10T21:20:00.000-05:00

So yeah I am already going slowly even more insane with the damn blog. I cant tell what changes I really made because it has some kinda time delay. I trying to see real time changes and so if this looks like shit blame, Blogger.

Well hell ain't this some shit

2004-10-09T04:02:00.000-05:00

Okay this is my first post, so who the hell knows where this little trip is going to take us.