I got light headed again from work. I think it is the combination of sawdust, and cleaning chemicals. I am starting to question wither the next day is even going to come for me. I start to wonder is the $68 even fucking worth getting up. I start to wonder if I died in the night how many people would even remember me. Anyone that would truly care about me. I know I have friends but I just have to think, "what if I died and my Funeral was during the week, how many people would actually come". Would they say the usual: He had everything to live for. He was a great friend with a good sense of humor. HE WILL BE MISSED. Every day I think that you should love it like it is your last but I just don't know anymore. I don't think I can go through with it myself. IS IT FUCKING WORTH IT. I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW MY LIFE IS WORTH THE FUCKING $68 A FUCKING DAY. I haven't lived my life, but I think that what if my life ended. No one will miss me. NO ONE WILL FUCKING MISS ME.